Fear of success
- Thread starter Girlpower
- Start date
Geez you might think from reading through this thread that the notion of someone having a fear of success is not very prevalent and might even be fairly limited to the female gender. So if you are thinking either of those thoughts, they are innacurate.
While perusing the different forum pages, I saw that Girlpower had started this thread. I know Girlpower to be a very bright person and so I checked it out.
I had to say that last paragraph as a disclaimer because I know I have NEVER had any fear of success, or self-doubt, nor have I ever second-guessed, or vascillated about any decision. Nope... I am all about being balls-to-the-wall, pedal-to-the-metal, take-no-prisoners just kick-ass first and then take names. Yeah... uh huh, that's right. I am MAN..... hear me roar!
Alas however, I am not huge - nor do I want your finest meats and cheeses.
While perusing the different forum pages, I saw that Girlpower had started this thread. I know Girlpower to be a very bright person and so I checked it out.
I had to say that last paragraph as a disclaimer because I know I have NEVER had any fear of success, or self-doubt, nor have I ever second-guessed, or vascillated about any decision. Nope... I am all about being balls-to-the-wall, pedal-to-the-metal, take-no-prisoners just kick-ass first and then take names. Yeah... uh huh, that's right. I am MAN..... hear me roar!
Alas however, I am not huge - nor do I want your finest meats and cheeses.
IMO I think that fear of success might be the wrong phrase and that fear of change would be better. It is easy to get into a comfort zone and not want to leave that zone. The fear of success is really a result of a fear of failure. You don't want to strive to greater success if it brings about the possibility of failure and therefor change from your comfort zone.
Its obviously not something one would "think" about. Therefore to say that fear of success is not present merely because someone doesn't consciously think about it does not prove that it does not exist, and further that it doesn't affect performance and results (especially in trading).
Fear of success shows itself in all endeavors, and can act as a governor, as one factor determining the upward limit of achievement. Fear of failure generally sets the lower limit. One's performance day to day is typically somewhere in the middle of those bounds. Those two fears, failure as more conscious, success as more subconscious, act as a behavioral thermostat, guiding expectations and actions. If one does too poorly, fear of failure acts as a motivator to analyze, change methods and in some cases just work harder (maybe getting off your lazy ass that put you near failing?). Doing too well, conversely, can trigger the possibility of change: changing social circles, facing resentment from some, or leaving perhaps a family expectation of one's role and traditions. Many people are afraid of the unknown, even if its better on paper. We have been conditioned culturally to think that more money is better, however, there are likely equally strong motivations in some not to leave the status quo.
It would be too long of a post to give much evidence for the above statements. But lets say you are at least open to it, how does one adjust? There are volumes of information written on this subject, however the general area to look in is in the area of identifying your beliefs and then changing them to suit your goals. Some beliefs are present at the conscious level, others are not. There are ways to identify, modify and align beliefs to better suit your needs. Obviously, it involves work and time.
Fear of success shows itself in all endeavors, and can act as a governor, as one factor determining the upward limit of achievement. Fear of failure generally sets the lower limit. One's performance day to day is typically somewhere in the middle of those bounds. Those two fears, failure as more conscious, success as more subconscious, act as a behavioral thermostat, guiding expectations and actions. If one does too poorly, fear of failure acts as a motivator to analyze, change methods and in some cases just work harder (maybe getting off your lazy ass that put you near failing?). Doing too well, conversely, can trigger the possibility of change: changing social circles, facing resentment from some, or leaving perhaps a family expectation of one's role and traditions. Many people are afraid of the unknown, even if its better on paper. We have been conditioned culturally to think that more money is better, however, there are likely equally strong motivations in some not to leave the status quo.
It would be too long of a post to give much evidence for the above statements. But lets say you are at least open to it, how does one adjust? There are volumes of information written on this subject, however the general area to look in is in the area of identifying your beliefs and then changing them to suit your goals. Some beliefs are present at the conscious level, others are not. There are ways to identify, modify and align beliefs to better suit your needs. Obviously, it involves work and time.
Hmmmmm. There have indeed been some very good points here.
Yes it is different for women than for men. Men are brought up to be the provider, competitor etc. Women are brought up to be wife, mother, housekeeper, and most importantly to not be more successful than their man. So Yes, this is different. Many really successful women aren't even liked by other women and men just feel threatened by them treading on their turf.
But as some have already acknowledged some men seem to fear it too.
Or as has been mentioned is it actually change that is feared - the unknown.
It does make me wonder how many people choke when a good trade comes along and miss taking the full run (or even any of it sometimes), and wonder at the reason why.
I wonder how much background and subconscious belief systems have to do with it.
The answers so far have been good.
Natalie
Yes it is different for women than for men. Men are brought up to be the provider, competitor etc. Women are brought up to be wife, mother, housekeeper, and most importantly to not be more successful than their man. So Yes, this is different. Many really successful women aren't even liked by other women and men just feel threatened by them treading on their turf.
But as some have already acknowledged some men seem to fear it too.
Or as has been mentioned is it actually change that is feared - the unknown.
It does make me wonder how many people choke when a good trade comes along and miss taking the full run (or even any of it sometimes), and wonder at the reason why.
I wonder how much background and subconscious belief systems have to do with it.
The answers so far have been good.
Natalie
I agree 100%.
Girlpower, I know people with that "syndrome." It is not gender specific. To some people, a good self image comes naturally, to others it does not. When you learn to forgive yourself and accept yourself 100% for who you are without thinking there is anything wrong with you, you will have success in a greater way than just trading.
nitro
Girlpower, I know people with that "syndrome." It is not gender specific. To some people, a good self image comes naturally, to others it does not. When you learn to forgive yourself and accept yourself 100% for who you are without thinking there is anything wrong with you, you will have success in a greater way than just trading.
nitro
Girlpower,
Great thread, particularly since it immediately spawned a series of posts from guys saying they aren't afraid of anything. Any clinical psychologist can tell you endless stories of highly successful, type A exec's and professionals with great educations, careers and salaries to match who suddenly begin to engage in self-defeating, self-destructive behavior for no obvious reason. Sometimes it is written off as "mid-life crisis", and I don't disocunt that. Often however, the behavior is a kind of self-protective preemptive failure to avoid the greater pain of falling flat on their face trying to cross a bridge too far.
Traders are highly susceptible to this. Ever hear of someone who could trade $100k but when their account got to $500k, suddenly they started making all kinds of rookie mistakes? Certainly it's not conscious, but somewhere you are thinking "I'm not this good, I didn't earn this, I can't handle this'", or some such negative thoughts.
It's also very common in sports. I once heard golfer Bernard Langer say before the final round of a tournament he was leading," I'm not afraid to win." I thought it was an odd statement at the time, but I think he was addressing just this issue. He had scores of wins to his credit, and probably realized some of his competitors were out of their comfort zone. No one cares if the guy finishing 25th misses a short putt on 18, but if you're in the final group, you will make Sports Center with a screw-up like that.
Great thread, particularly since it immediately spawned a series of posts from guys saying they aren't afraid of anything. Any clinical psychologist can tell you endless stories of highly successful, type A exec's and professionals with great educations, careers and salaries to match who suddenly begin to engage in self-defeating, self-destructive behavior for no obvious reason. Sometimes it is written off as "mid-life crisis", and I don't disocunt that. Often however, the behavior is a kind of self-protective preemptive failure to avoid the greater pain of falling flat on their face trying to cross a bridge too far.
Traders are highly susceptible to this. Ever hear of someone who could trade $100k but when their account got to $500k, suddenly they started making all kinds of rookie mistakes? Certainly it's not conscious, but somewhere you are thinking "I'm not this good, I didn't earn this, I can't handle this'", or some such negative thoughts.
It's also very common in sports. I once heard golfer Bernard Langer say before the final round of a tournament he was leading," I'm not afraid to win." I thought it was an odd statement at the time, but I think he was addressing just this issue. He had scores of wins to his credit, and probably realized some of his competitors were out of their comfort zone. No one cares if the guy finishing 25th misses a short putt on 18, but if you're in the final group, you will make Sports Center with a screw-up like that.
Very well said.