Quote from lundy:
So here I am, 23 years old, and I just lost 25k of a friends money. This is by the way, alot more money than I had ever dealt with in my life.
I was scared, and I didn't want to accept failure. But above all, I was concerned with what other people would think of me as a failure. I thought that however people thought of me, that was who I was. (grammar?)
So I made a big mistake, I entered another partnership with another friend without letting either partner know that I just lost 25k. The second partnership was formed based on lies.
Of course the whole time, I was feeling more and more confident, because I was getting more experience, coming up with new and better techniques, and I was getting more money to gamble with. This was like a high.
So my new partner gave me some money, and I told him I'd give him back 100% a month. (WHAT WAS I THINKING?) I had been studying the emini futures, and I figured I could make 5% a day and compound it.
Needless to say, I lost the money. But I didn't tell him. And he kept giving me more and more money, up to 1 million dollars. Then when the profit projections started getting outrageous, he wanted some. He wanted his money and all the profit it had accumulated. I tried to buy time, but it only worked for so long, then came the first breakdown.
I admitted I lost the money, but I didn't tell him the truth about being a loser before we started. I led him to think it was bad luck.
Based on this misinformation, he decided to give it another go. Again, I lost the money.
To make a long story short, I eventually owned up to him and the first partner, as I am to you, and find myself 2 million dollars in debt, unsure of who I am and what I want out of life, and questioning everything I have ever done in the past to find answers, so that I may make changes to be who I want to be, and not a shadow of what others think I am.
That was a long sentence. But thats how life feels.
I have misused trust, and used others for my own ends. Now that the whole story is out, I find myself in a reality I never faced in the past. "Who am I?" I also find myself in the unique position of being open to change. Changes that I never even thought about. Hell, I thought I was mister perfect. Or actually, I thought I had everyone fooled into thinking I was Mister perfect.
My whole life I tried to pretend. Even though I knew I was a stinkin liar, a weakling, a cheater, a selfish guy - I didn't care. As long as I had respect from others, i was ok with my rotten self. Then one day, I was unable to prove myself. Unable to make money in the markets. Thats when I found out that when money is involved, lies turn black.
Now that the real me has been exposed, I know it's time to stop pretending, time to change and be a real person.
