Facing our demons

cant help it; i am too emotional in this respect...dont u think i know its not worth it? i mean what can u do about it...nuttin'; take it in and move on: easier said than done for me. this week, to my surprise, i managed very well...hopefully am about to turn then coner and wont give a shit no more. this can make the change from havin' a couple of downdays a week to one in a couple of weeks.
Quote from Old School:

Ask this:
What % of fills in your career will you get the price you want? Lot lower than what we want. Consider how much it costs you in opportunity cost for not being in the zone for the rest of the day. Is it worth it in the long run? Sometimes a new perspective on a condition may be just enough to break through.
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Bit, think of fishing , no bites cause the fish aren't there, then you turn into mad man throwing out more lines into a spot where the fish ain't. :D
 
I have had a lot of days like I suffered below, so finally I decided to replay it in writing for the record. I think this demonic progression will probably be familiar to others. This also happens, demonically enough, after a stream of nice trading results.

How Did I Trade So Badly Today

1. I didn’t want to trade today, nor for weeks, but I have kept at it.
2. I shouldn’t have even opened my trading platform as I awoke way too late and didn’t want to trade.
3. My plan just seemed boring and stupid and I thought there must be some easier way to trade.
4. I have been escaping days that felt like this with a small profit whereas in days gone by would’ve been a loss.
5. I need money.
6. I thought, “fuck it I’ve been walking on eggshells for weeks let me just lose this money and get it over with”.
7. I saw no decent trades, didn’t even miss any it seems except 1 and even though with a .10 stop it would’ve been 4 to 1 I said not worth it.
8. I took non-setups just because of making money yesterday by breaking plan and trading with much larger size.
9. At one point I was up a lot of money but couldn’t take profits and turned into very large loss.
10. I got back to +$80 after being down -$300 but wasn’t enough and I knew I should walk away but didn’t.
11. Was down -$20 and knew I should walk away but didn’t.
12. Started scalping RIMM with size and was correct about big move but exited early and left about at least +$400 on table.
13. This put me on full tilt and I kept getting in and out of RIMM thinking I would catch another big move.
14. Throughout all this I walked away about 3 times thinking I was done, down –$300 or -$400 but came back and finally I realized I had a “fuck it I’ll lose -$1000 today” thought in my head and finally I felt done at -$767.
15. I didn’t follow my pre-market routines.
16. I really hope I am done with this shit and be doing this I can somehow get back to normal trading.
17. Trading has been very boring.
18. I don’t know why if I was messing around with larger size, why I didn’t just raise risk on my normal setups, some of which are great trades.
 
 
OK, here are my personal demons:

#1. Can't pull the trigger - analysis paralysis
I'm obscessed with capital preservation at this stage of my trading. Passing up many good opportunities for safer, slower plays. Not really a flaw, but I want more faster for the percieved risk I am taking!

#2. Permabear (getting over that one).

#3. Here's the big bad one - fear of blowing up in the markets like my father (an old floor trader) did - big time. As in the whole family fortune. Hence, my lack of willingness to pull the trigger, desire to rely on mechanical trading systems, etc...

Only time and success will get me over that last one, so I remain content to take small gains and pocket them in the hopes of creating a sufficient free option with my winnings that I can trade without the emotional overlay.
 
Quote from Bitstream:

cant help it; i am too emotional in this respect...
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Right here, I've thrown keyboards, broken screens, broke the phone hanging up, name it, I've broke it. Cursing like a bat outta hell. Oh I am not a robo-trader by any means. Emotionless? I can't do it. Of course as I got older, it got much easier not to.

but, when 'm back on the desk, I am back to being objective. In other words, I let my feelings come out, then I bring them back in before trading again. You have to, otherwise, you open up the door to the dark side. :eek: How to do that, I'll defer till later.

Quote from Bitstream:
dont u think i know its not worth it?
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Do you? More importantly, why do you trade? Be honest.


Quote from Bitstream:
i mean what can u do about it...nuttin'; take it in and move on: easier said than done for me.
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Same as above, deferred. For now,
"if it was easy, more traders would be successful."
 
Quote from chrisofj:

I have had a lot of days like I suffered below
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I think you've broken 11 out of the 10 trading commandments.
What you described is horrendous. You really think it's just "wake up and make money"? You need a drastic realignment in what you think trading is. I'm sorry for being so cold, but true I think. If you're profitable now, imagine what you could be making but for this demon.
 
 
Quote from drsteph:

I remain content to take small gains and pocket them in the hopes of creating a sufficient free option with my winnings that I can trade without the emotional overlay.
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That's it right there...are you content?
Simply posting suggests that you're not. If you're not not content, that's a different story. Then you'd have to look at your fear of blowing up. If you truly are content as your post says, then all you're doing is wishing, which many of us do (not in our trades hopefully - no pun).
 
I find it interesting that no one has mentioned how much more money they could make if they rid of their #1 demon.

I know for myself it was a LOT of money and well worth coming to terms with. That's what drove me to face mine.
 
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