I would like to reflect on my trading thus far through a new thing Iâve decided to do, but first I would like to say something about what happened to me yesterday. Basically, it was really ugly. It is hard to get back into the mindset I was in, but I essentially had a lot of bad things that happened to me outside of trading catch up with me, I let repeated losses and crushed hopes fall on me, as well as poor trading setups and discipline (I was not looking for signals well, I was just hoping for a profit as I described).
Most importantly, I believe most of it started with the doubting of my potential as a trader. Although I have already faced this with myself, getting it down in writing wonât hurt. I am noticing my mental weaknesses surface in my trading. I normally have great management skills and decision making, and I wisely keep emotions out of my thinking process. This has not been true in trading. I trade emotionally and make very bad decisions.
So why is this? Honestly, I really donât know. Perhaps the market simply reveals that I have not crushed my emotional weakness enough. However, I do have a tendency of overlooking things at times when making decisions without extremely open and careful deliberation. This is easy to see in my trading; I see something potentially attractive on the 5 min or 1 min chart, and immediately refute it once I look at the bigger picture. I have noticed this problem, and figured experience would help greatly. My first solution, however, was to move up to the 5 min from the 1 min, and I noticed myself making the same mistake.
That explains my trading downfalls, but not why I am questioning myself as a trader. My shortsightedness is apparent in other aspects of the game. When I was analyzing a rising wedge, for example, I was immediately thinking breakout, and it never occurred to me until a book threw it in my face to short the fifth touch to the top of the channel. Based on the way I think, this kind of innovation should be the first thing I think of! Of course that by itself does not matter, but I have eleven pairs on my screen now. How did I not foresee the complications of keeping track of them all on 5 and 15 min charts? I mean sure I was able to limit them down somewhat and trade a few of them when I saw opportunities developing, but with that much information I couldnât internalize anything, and my analysis was never profound enough for any pairs. Again, this is a simple learning experience, but there are many other examples, and my lack of vision is really beginning to question my potential for success. I saw it on every trade I took yesterday, and truthfully on most trades I take.
In conclusion, what kind of trader am I? Well, as I scan forums and books and articles I realize that I know far more about the markets and market philosophy than many traders do. Yet, they are profitable. I am not. They have learned from their mistakes very well, yet I have not. They are obviously capable of making good market decisions, and yet I am not.
Why? Likely it is experience, but who can know? My weaknesses are staring at me, and it seems I am far from conquering them. Maybe I will learn, but maybe I wonât â this dark cloud has been building over me for quite a while now.
No, I haven't quit trading lol.
