I’m sorry to hear the rest of your life is very hard. Personally, I appreciate your posts, even if I find many of them cryptic (probably due to my intelligence). I try to keep up, anyhow.
While it is an ideology (what isn’t?) and those are always personal, check out stoicism (a guide to the good life by William Irvine is a good place to start). Marcus Auraleus, Seneca.. it’s an ancient philosophy. It’s changed my life (and surprisingly helpful for trading and the emotional side). You can take what you like, and leave the rest, but there’s nothing crazy in there. I don’t think there’s even a nod to a higher power in it. It’s more of a personal philosophy on life and how to make sense of everything/people out there.. you know, shit everyone has been struggling with since ancient times.
Hang in there.