2
The incident was unusual enough to make all the front pages next morning, and because of
this, many similar events, which might otherwise have gone unnoticed, received attention. The
proprietor of the Aramis Theatre, on Eighth Avenue, reported that on several nights in the recent past
his auditorium had been practically empty, while on others it had been jammed to suffocation.
Luncheon owners noted that increasingly their patrons were developing a habit of making runs on
specific items; one day it would be the roast shoulder of veal with pan gravy that was ordered almost
exclusively, while the next everyone would be taking the Vienna loaf, and the roast veal went begging.
A man who ran a small notions store in Bayside revealed that over a period of four days two hundred
and seventy-four successive customers had entered his shop and asked for a spool of pink thread.
These were news items that would ordinarily have gone into the papers as fillers or in the
sections reserved for oddities. Now, however, they seemed to have a more serious significance. It was
apparent at last that something decidedly strange was happening to peopleâs habits, and it was as
unsettling as those occasional moments on excursion boats when the passengers are moved, all at
once, to rush to one side or the other of the vessel. It was not till one day in December when, almost
incredibly, the Twentieth Century Limited left New York for Chicago with just three passengers aboard
that business leaders discovered how disastrous the new trend could be, too.
Until then, the New York Central, for instance, could operate confidently on the assumption
that although there might he several thousand men in New York who had business relations in
Chicago, on any single day no moreâand no lessâthan some hundreds of them would have occasion
to go there. The play producer could be sure that his patronage would sort itself out and that roughly
as many persons would want to see the performance on Thursday as there had been on Tuesday or
Wednesday. Now they couldnât be sure of anything. The Law of Averages had gone by the board, and if
the effect on business promised to be catastrophic, it was also singularly unnerving for the general
customer.
The lady starting downtown for a day of shopping, for example, could never be sure whether
she would find Macyâs department store a seething mob of other shoppers or a wilderness of empty,
echoing aisles and unoccupied salesgirls. And the uncertainty produced a strange sort of jitteriness in
the individual when faced with any impulse to action. "Shall we do it or shanât we?" people kept asking
themselves, knowing that if they did it, it might turn out that thousands of other individuals had
decided similarly; knowing, too, that if they didnât, they might miss the one glorious chance of all
chances to have Jones Beach, say, practically to themselves. Business languished, and a sort of
desperate uncertainty rode everyone.
At this juncture, it was inevitable that Congress should be called on for action. In fact, Congress
called on itself, and it must be said that it rose nobly to the occasion. A committee was appointed,
drawn from both Houses and headed by Senator J. Wing Slooper (R.), of Indiana, and though after
considerable investigation the committee was forced reluctantly to conclude that there was no
evidence of Communist instigation, the unconscious subversiveness of the peopleâs present conduct
was obvious at a glance. The problem was what to do about it. You canât indict a whole nation,
particularly on such vague grounds as these were. But, as Senator Slooper boldly pointed out, "You can
control it," and in the end a system of reëducation and reform was decided upon, designed to lead
people back toâagain we quote Senator Slooperâ"the basic regularities, the homely averageness of
the American way of life."
In the course of the committeeâs investigations, it had been discovered, to everyoneâs dismay,
that the Law of Averages had never been incorporated into the body of federal jurisprudence, and
though the upholders of Statesâ Rights rebelled violently, the oversight was at once corrected, both by
Constitutional amendment and by a lawâthe Hills-Slooper Actâimplementing it. According to the Act,
people were required to be average, and, as the simplest way of assuring it, they were divided