I'm thinking (just thinking at this point) of reintroducing discipline to my life. I worked very hard to get to the point where I need no discipline. I eat when I want (or I could if I still had an appetite) and I sleep when I want (or I could if I didn't have insomnia) and I haven't done anything I didn't want to do for a long time (which is why nothing is getting done anymore.)
So I'm thinking (just thinking) about reintroducing some discipline to my life. At one time I was so extremely disciplined nothing could shake me, since I thought a disciplined life was the secret to sprititual awareness. And then I realized I had to be discplined beacause I was so poor. So I worked to make money to free me from the bondage of discipline, which I first embraced to free me from the bondage of money.
At this point, there is no danger of me becoming an extreme disiplinarian again, but I'm thinking (just thinking) maybe a little wouldn't hurt?
i think it is natural evolution of sentient beings as they become more aware of the truth of suchness.. i experienced that also. now i think actually discipline not that much limiting, but rather freedom giving, it is more of a simplification, more of precision, or proper measure so to say. (english not my first languague, so please bear with me).
when i was young, i was naturally balanced, i was lucky to be and experience almost all almost frictionless in my life untill maybe 15-18 years old. i never was sad until like 20. i was waking up from my sleep since little kid many night a week in extreme laughter and great exstatic mood for no obvious reason. i was just happy. then i started to realise that even though i was feeling totally free and unbound (and yes, i didnt have many responsabilities at that age, or didnt really realise those that I had), i found i am still somehow limited anyway. by my upbringing, by society, my family, culture, ideas i entertained, well, limited by myself. limited by my idea of unlimitedness. so i set out to become TRULY FREE, and enjoyed about 7 years of kinda psychedelic artistic neo-hippy lifestyle, no needs, no obligations, no plans, no fixed opinions, no grasping onto nothing, total acceptance, no pickiness. i was so to speak erasing all my programs, preferences, all the systematicallity, ALL THE DISCIPLINE (and i was training karate EVERY day for 7 days a week since 3years old until 17 years old, like clockwork. so that gave me kind of time-discipline, and body discipline, and mind and body balance, some real intuitive, deeply felt balancing ability), and all the preconceptions i could find within myself, all the ´systems´, i became my own mirror, and REVERSED everything i was aware of into empty light via turning it into its opposite. all the programming and discipline of mine, cultural, educational, philosohpical, bodily, metaphysical, anyTHING I COULD RECOGNISE AS SOMETHING fixed IN ANY WAY, i melted.
so then i learned to not expect, not to plan, no to be sad from being sad and not to be happy from being happy. i learned to transcend space, and later time. i erase those conceptions from my mindstream.
BUT, after years of literally realising my youngster dreams of being totally free and independent of any conventions or plans or programs of the mind or systems or metaphysical assumtions,
I FOUND THAT WITHOUT ANY PROJECTIONS, THE WORLD AND THINGS AS THEY ARE, ARE JUST THUS. AS THEY ARE. NOTHING MORE AND NOTHING LESS. THAT THERE IS NOTHING TO ADD, BUT ALSO NOTHING TO SUBSTRACT. that everything is perfect by itself just as it is.
only then, i realised i am free again, to construct myself and shine into the world anew from the glowing empty vision of thussness within. i realised i can construct, can become disciplined again, can have plans, can work with time and space, without becoming bound or conditioned by all of that, because if you came full circle, now you know what you didnt before. it is not the same discipline you strive for now as the one that you got rid of then. it is the same word, but the meaning now is different, is simple, is beautiful, is natural, is healthy, is basically good. you can create yourself and your own discipline, you can manifest your vision in all your little actions, not just trading, but the way you manage your place, the pace around you, the way you move, talk, breathe, look, the way you are. you are synchronising yourself with the Universe. and Universe is totally free while totally disciplined. there is orderly chaos and chaotic order. there is no freedom without discipline.
enjoy your newfound potentiality. evolve all your capacities with the knowledge that you have now, without becoming limited by anything that you enact. discipline will empower you to be even more free. you can be very disciplined in the way you are not disciplined.
i hope it gives some sense and is not totally idiosyncratic.
GOOD LUCK !
