I wish WAEL would read this.
Dennis Miller's Summary of the Arab Regime
For those of you who don't like Dennis Miller, who is not Jewish, you may
want to reconsider after reading his brilliant comments that follow.
Please pass it on to your friends.
For those who don't know, Dennis Miller is a comedian who has a show
called Dennis Miller Live on HBO. Although he is not Jewish, he recently
had the following to say about the Middle East situation:
"A brief overview of the situation is always valuable, so as a service to all
Americans who still don't get it, I now offer you the story of the Middle East
in just a few paragraphs, which is all you Really need.
Here we go:
The Palestinians want their own country. There's just one thing about that:
There are no Palestinians. It's a made up word. Israel was called Palestine
for two thousand years. Like "Wiccan," "Palestinian" sounds ancient but is
really a modern invention. Before the Israelis won the land in the 1967 war,
Gaza was owned by Egypt, the West Bank was owned by Jordan, and there
were no "Palestinians."
As soon as the Jews took over and started growing oranges as big as
basketballs, what do you know, say hello to the "Palestinians," weeping for
their deep bond with their lost "land" and "nation."
So for the sake of honesty, let's not use the word "Palestinian" any more to
describe these delightful folks, who dance for joy at our deaths until someone
points out they're being taped. Instead, let's call them what they are: "Other
Arabs Who Can't Accomplish Anything In Life And Would Rather Wrap
Themselves In The Seductive Melodrama Of Eternal Struggle And Death."
I know that's a bit unwieldy to expect to see on CNN. How about this, then:
"Adjacent Jew-Haters." Okay, so the Adjacent Jew-Haters want their own
country. Oops, just one more thing: No, they don't. They could've had their
own country any time in the last thirty years, especially two years ago at
Camp David. But if you have your own country, you have to have traffic
lights and garbage trucks and Chambers of Commerce, and, worse, you
actually have to figure out some way to make a living.
That's no fun. No, they want what all the other Jew-Haters in the region want:
Israel. They also want a big pile of dead Jews, of course --that's where the
real fun is -- but mostly they want Israel.
Why? For one thing, trying to destroy Israel - or "The Zionist Entity"
as their textbooks call it -- for the last fifty years has allowed the rulers of
Arab countries to divert the attention of their own people away from the fact
that they're the blue-ribbon most illiterate, poorest, and tribally backward on
God's Earth, and if you've ever been around God's Earth, you know that's
really saying something.
It makes me roll my eyes every time one of our pundits waxes poetic about
the great history and culture of the Muslim Mid east. Unless I'm missing
something, the Arabs haven't given anything to the world since Algebra, and,
by the way, thanks a hell of a lot for that one.
Chew this around and spit it out: Five hundred million Arabs; five Million
Jews. Think of all the Arab countries as a football field, and Israel as a pack
of matches sitting in the middle of it. And now these same folks swear that if
Israel gives them half of that pack of matches, everyone will be pals..
Really? Wow, what neat news. Hey, but what about the string of wars to
obliterate the tiny country and the constant din of rabid blood oaths to drive
every Jew into the sea? Oh, that? We were just kidding.
My friend, Kevin Rooney, made a gorgeous point the other day: Just reverse
the numbers. Imagine five hundred million Jews and five million Arabs. I
was stunned at the simple brilliance of it. Can anyone picture the Jews
strapping belts of razor blades and dynamite to themselves? Of course not.
Or marshaling every fiber and force at their disposal for generations to drive a
tiny Arab State into the sea?Nonsense. Or dancing for joy at the murder of
innocents? Impossible. Or spreading and believing horrible lies about the
jews baking their bread with the blood of children?
Disgusting.
No, as you know, left to themselves in a world of peace, the worst Jews
would ever do to people is debate them to death.
Mr. Bush, God bless him, is walking a tightrope. I understand that with vital
operations in Iraq and others, it's in our interest, as Americans, to try to
stabilize our Arab allies as much as possible, and, after all, that can't be much
harder than stabilizing a roomful of super models who've just had their drugs
taken away.
However, in any big-picture strategy, there's always a danger of losing moral
weight. We've already lost some. After September 11th our president told us
and the world he was going to root out all terrorists and the countries that
supported them. Beautiful. Then the Israelis, after months and months of
having the equivalent of an Oklahoma City every week (and then every day)
start to do the same thing we did, and we tell them to show restraint.
If America were being attacked with an Oklahoma City every day, we would
all very shortly be screaming for the administration to just be done with it and
kill everything south of the Mediterranean and east of the Jordan .
Dennis Miller's Summary of the Arab Regime
For those of you who don't like Dennis Miller, who is not Jewish, you may
want to reconsider after reading his brilliant comments that follow.
Please pass it on to your friends.
For those who don't know, Dennis Miller is a comedian who has a show
called Dennis Miller Live on HBO. Although he is not Jewish, he recently
had the following to say about the Middle East situation:
"A brief overview of the situation is always valuable, so as a service to all
Americans who still don't get it, I now offer you the story of the Middle East
in just a few paragraphs, which is all you Really need.
Here we go:
The Palestinians want their own country. There's just one thing about that:
There are no Palestinians. It's a made up word. Israel was called Palestine
for two thousand years. Like "Wiccan," "Palestinian" sounds ancient but is
really a modern invention. Before the Israelis won the land in the 1967 war,
Gaza was owned by Egypt, the West Bank was owned by Jordan, and there
were no "Palestinians."
As soon as the Jews took over and started growing oranges as big as
basketballs, what do you know, say hello to the "Palestinians," weeping for
their deep bond with their lost "land" and "nation."
So for the sake of honesty, let's not use the word "Palestinian" any more to
describe these delightful folks, who dance for joy at our deaths until someone
points out they're being taped. Instead, let's call them what they are: "Other
Arabs Who Can't Accomplish Anything In Life And Would Rather Wrap
Themselves In The Seductive Melodrama Of Eternal Struggle And Death."
I know that's a bit unwieldy to expect to see on CNN. How about this, then:
"Adjacent Jew-Haters." Okay, so the Adjacent Jew-Haters want their own
country. Oops, just one more thing: No, they don't. They could've had their
own country any time in the last thirty years, especially two years ago at
Camp David. But if you have your own country, you have to have traffic
lights and garbage trucks and Chambers of Commerce, and, worse, you
actually have to figure out some way to make a living.
That's no fun. No, they want what all the other Jew-Haters in the region want:
Israel. They also want a big pile of dead Jews, of course --that's where the
real fun is -- but mostly they want Israel.
Why? For one thing, trying to destroy Israel - or "The Zionist Entity"
as their textbooks call it -- for the last fifty years has allowed the rulers of
Arab countries to divert the attention of their own people away from the fact
that they're the blue-ribbon most illiterate, poorest, and tribally backward on
God's Earth, and if you've ever been around God's Earth, you know that's
really saying something.
It makes me roll my eyes every time one of our pundits waxes poetic about
the great history and culture of the Muslim Mid east. Unless I'm missing
something, the Arabs haven't given anything to the world since Algebra, and,
by the way, thanks a hell of a lot for that one.
Chew this around and spit it out: Five hundred million Arabs; five Million
Jews. Think of all the Arab countries as a football field, and Israel as a pack
of matches sitting in the middle of it. And now these same folks swear that if
Israel gives them half of that pack of matches, everyone will be pals..
Really? Wow, what neat news. Hey, but what about the string of wars to
obliterate the tiny country and the constant din of rabid blood oaths to drive
every Jew into the sea? Oh, that? We were just kidding.
My friend, Kevin Rooney, made a gorgeous point the other day: Just reverse
the numbers. Imagine five hundred million Jews and five million Arabs. I
was stunned at the simple brilliance of it. Can anyone picture the Jews
strapping belts of razor blades and dynamite to themselves? Of course not.
Or marshaling every fiber and force at their disposal for generations to drive a
tiny Arab State into the sea?Nonsense. Or dancing for joy at the murder of
innocents? Impossible. Or spreading and believing horrible lies about the
jews baking their bread with the blood of children?
Disgusting.
No, as you know, left to themselves in a world of peace, the worst Jews
would ever do to people is debate them to death.
Mr. Bush, God bless him, is walking a tightrope. I understand that with vital
operations in Iraq and others, it's in our interest, as Americans, to try to
stabilize our Arab allies as much as possible, and, after all, that can't be much
harder than stabilizing a roomful of super models who've just had their drugs
taken away.
However, in any big-picture strategy, there's always a danger of losing moral
weight. We've already lost some. After September 11th our president told us
and the world he was going to root out all terrorists and the countries that
supported them. Beautiful. Then the Israelis, after months and months of
having the equivalent of an Oklahoma City every week (and then every day)
start to do the same thing we did, and we tell them to show restraint.
If America were being attacked with an Oklahoma City every day, we would
all very shortly be screaming for the administration to just be done with it and
kill everything south of the Mediterranean and east of the Jordan .