The S.E.C., claiming that people shaving in the dark hours are more likely to get nicks and cuts, has created a new rule requiring all traders to shave during daylight hours only. In order to facilitate implemention of this rule, they have proposed that for the next six months we should all set our clocks forward by one hour. Therefore, if you do not set your clock ahead today, you will find that the NYSE opens monday morning one hour earlier than usual.
This rule of course, should have no effect on those traders who have beards. As long you confine your facial hair maintenance to manually trimming it with scissors, the S.E.C. rule should not affect your trading abilities or the effectiveness of your trading methods. Those traders who shave once or more per day will need to adapt their trading styles to conform to the S.E.C.'s new rule.
Traders who shave their legs will be charged an extra fee if they start to shave one leg and then either stop shaving or change to the other leg before finishing the first leg. You will be charged $.90 for starting to shave a leg without finishing it. But this fee will be offset by a re-imbursement of $.90 for each armpit you shave. However, the armpit must be shaved the same day as the cancelled leg shaving to qualify. There is no rollover for armpit compensation fees, but on any day that you shave an armpit, you may use a rollover anti-perspirant without any extra charge, if you route your orders through SMART. Do the SMART thing, and use the anti-perspirant.
Remember to set your clocks forward one hour.
This rule of course, should have no effect on those traders who have beards. As long you confine your facial hair maintenance to manually trimming it with scissors, the S.E.C. rule should not affect your trading abilities or the effectiveness of your trading methods. Those traders who shave once or more per day will need to adapt their trading styles to conform to the S.E.C.'s new rule.
Traders who shave their legs will be charged an extra fee if they start to shave one leg and then either stop shaving or change to the other leg before finishing the first leg. You will be charged $.90 for starting to shave a leg without finishing it. But this fee will be offset by a re-imbursement of $.90 for each armpit you shave. However, the armpit must be shaved the same day as the cancelled leg shaving to qualify. There is no rollover for armpit compensation fees, but on any day that you shave an armpit, you may use a rollover anti-perspirant without any extra charge, if you route your orders through SMART. Do the SMART thing, and use the anti-perspirant.
Remember to set your clocks forward one hour.
but on the bright side we get done an hour early too