closing my trading account today

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Quote from howardy2k:



u mean to tell me GG never had more than 5k in his account since 4 yrs ago? :eek:
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no, this is not correct. without getting into specific numbers, it went like this:

started during bull market. made some money. started living off account, paid taxes, bought a new car (thought i was gonna be rich at the time).

as i started to become more familiar with trading, i tried many different things. this trial and error slowly reduced the size of my account. then pdt rules are enacted. i totally changed what i was doing. eventually i switched to e-minis. i like the e-minis, but i jumped in too soon. trading a leveraged instrument when you don't fully know what you're doing is a quick way to lose your money. account started to rapidly decrease here.

the last few months i've been doing ok. i've realized some very important things in the last 3-4 months. but now i just don't have enough money to realistically grow my account, especially while living off it.
 
Quote from ElectricSavant:

about 2 weeks ago, my account at IB dwindled down to like $1975. to place a trade, you need $2000. so i wrote a check for $50 to get back above $2000 and considered my next trade a hail mary trade. well, i did the trade today and lost like $200.

YOUR FEELING ANXIETY

i really just don't have the money to continue. 0% of me wants to quit, but i just can't afford to send more money into my account,

YOUR FEELING FRUSTRATED

so i am for the time being, done. yes, i know a couple months ago i started a similar thread, but i found a way to get some more money, so i could keep at it a little longer. but now, i just don't know what the hell i can do.

YOUR FEELING LOST

i can already see the responses now from dbphoenix, nkhoi, elcubano, etc. i'm looking for sympathy, blah blah blah. i'm gonna state right now, i don't care what negative responses i get in this thread. i really just don't give a fuck.

YOUR FEELING desperation AND PERHAPS ANGER

that said, my (financial) life has made a new all time low today. i totally feel obliterated. i have put countless hours into trying to trade since 1999, i'm 25, and i have absolute NOTHING to show for it and i'm pissed.

YOUR FEELING WORTHLESS


i'm gonna have to get a job and i'm probably going to get paid like minimum wage. who the hell is going to hire me when i haven't had a job in like 3 years?

YOUR FEELING THAT YOUR NOT MEASURING UP TO A STANDARD.


what am i going to say at interviews? "so what have you been doing the last 3 years?" "trying to trade, but i lost all my money." on top of that, i am going to be MISERABLE at some job.

YOU HAVE YOUR LITTLE VOICE INSIDE STRONGLY INFLUENCING YOU

you people can have any opinion you want of me, but i am not someone who should get paid minimum wage,

YOUR DISGUISING YOUR INFERIORITY COMPLEX.


Gordon,

You are implying that you do not want help or sympathy. As far as approval DB phoenix has forbidden any such postings.

Everything you have said has hit me personally and I hear you. Rather than to go in to my personal story and qualifications, I think that to be most productive, is to comment on your little voice inside and your conclusions.

Why do you enjoy trading? Can you define this? Write it down.

How much money would you need per year to make a living?

Do you consider yourself emotional?.....analytical?.....methodical?.....logical?.....observant?

Do you feel stress and measure it with time verses this little voice inside you with its timetable. Your condition being measured against some sort of benchmark could be destructive, in the grand scheme of things.

You have plenty of time....your whole life.........I know of some traders that are 80 years old.

You have a strong mindset and direction that YOU expect. Have you noticed that you have answers for many of your statements already....from yourself?

Gordon, The anxious, frustrated, lost, desperate feelings that I suspect you have combined with the inner feeling of worthlessness are grinding away at you......which can cause an aftershock. You need to get a plan and follow it. This will become your direction......suspend that little voice.

Many of us have this little voice from our beginnings....parents echo's and life experiences reinforce this. Time seems to heal your many worries and sadness. Depend on your new plan.....and be positive.....which you will discover later....as you are defining a new beginning and and will achieve baby steps towards your goal. Whatever your goal is.....trading or building a new career.

I believe this whole experience is a good thing for you.....and thank you for sharing.

Michael B.
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ok.. interesting comments. are you a psychiatrist? i really don't disagree too much with your comments, although i would say it's easy to tell i'm frustrated, etc. but you still had good comments.

as you can tell, part of me is a mess right now. but i don't think my feelings are abnormal. anyone who went through what i am going through would probably feel the same way. these whiny posts on ET are thoughts i keep inside in my every day life. i do not discuss my trading with anyone i know. i don't tell people when i have good or bad days. however, these are the thoughts i have, but i just don't tell anyone. i don't tell anyone because they just wouldn't understand. i would only bother discussing my trading difficulties with someone who has already been through it, or is experiencing it currently, too. some people ask why i complain here. WELL THAT IS WHY. i feel here is the only place where there are people who have been through similar situations and can relate.

i would also like to say that i am not sitting here crying over this or anything. i could hang out with my friends tomorrow and still be the most fun to be with of the whole group. no one would ever be able to tell i'm really in a miserable financial crisis with my whole future up in the air.

i have 2 very different sides to me. when i'm with people, i probably seem like a crazy joker. i'm always having fun at parties, drinking beers, etc. but when i'm alone i am a totally different person. when i'm alone i read trading books, science books, play guitar... basically, i think i'm a pretty deep person when i'm by myself. when i'm with people, i probably just seem like the average guy that likes to have fun, but i'm really more complex than that.

i meant to say this earlier, but i'm gonna get to the heart of my STRIFE. it shouldn't be a surprise to many ET people that I am not religious. if you are religious, fine, but i am not. it is my belief that the current life i have is all i will ever have. i do not believe in a heaven and i do not believe i'm coming back in another life. i totally believe this life i have now is all i will ever have. because of this, i want it to be the best that it can possibly be. that's partly why i aimed high and went after trading. it can be very rewarding if done well. i totally feel like i am not living up to how i want my one life to be. i put a lot of time into this and i was not smart enough to make things turn out right. if i had done it correctly, i could have a house, have parties all the time, and have a good life. now, instead, i'm stuck still struggling 4 years later. because i fucked everything up, by the time i own a house now, i'm gonna be 40+.

some people say that they have a dream that occurs frequently. i can't recall any particular dream, but i VERY FREQUENTLY wake up in the middle of the night thinking to myself that I AM going to be dead someday. IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN, I WON'T LIVE FOREVER. i will then start thinking how i'm fucking it all up. i will think things like, i'm not going to live forever and things are not going according to how i had planned. things are taking longer than i thought they would and life is passing me by. day by day, i'm getting closer to my death date. i am also not getting any younger. i am very frustrated in this sense. i could get into this more, but this is enough for now..
 
Gordon,

It sounds like you're fine. When you can save enough to replenish your acount to say, the 10,000 level or so, I would jump back in, and paper trade as much as possible in the interim.

I half expect I might find myself in the same circumstances down the road (hope not though). I fully believe the truism that many (most?) great traders blew out at least once.

I wouldn't sweat it (not that u are). Just trust your reasons for trading in the first place, and pick yourself back up. If you lasted three years, you were doing something right during that time.

If on the other hand, something inside is telling you to move on (sorry, didnt read your whole thread) then listen to it, right?

Good luck.
 
Quote from aphexcoil:


You'll get a job. Depending where you are, the unemployment rate is between 4 and 7 percent. Brush up your resume. If you have to do it, just lie. Invent some fake company and put your friends cell phone down as that company (or buy a new cell phone and put that number down). When they call for reference / employment dates, just have your friend (or you) give the dates and some fake salary amount that is commensurate with the going rate for that job.

Lie out your ass if you have to. Its a numbers game -- but do what you have to do to survive. Nobody can knock a man for doing what he has to do to get some work. If you don't know shit about your job, go to the library and start reading about it pronto. If you get hired and don't know shit about it, you better take the first week and cram like you've never crammed before. Be witty, smart, charismatic and wear a nice suit and shoes to the interview. You're the shit -- don't forget that. The guy across from you needs to sell his company to you -- make that determination before you go.

If you need any tips / help, send me a PM. Don't think you're the first person to lie out their ass in unique circumstances. You're out to get yours and you need to do what you have to do. 3 years without any work experience? Forget that ever happened -- start making up some shit and go from there.
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Sorry, aphexcoil, I can't disagree more: This would be the shortcut to hell.
You can't lie. Your interviewer would find out pretty soon. If he/she doesn't find out then guess who your co-workers are. Do you want to work in such a company?
If he/she finds out and hires you in spite of it then you can guess that this is a really shitty job. Do you want that job?
If you hate your job you might try some escapism like trading or quit the job before having enough money to start trading again. In both cases you don't have good chances to succeed in trading.

I didn't succeed in my PhD. That was my biggest failure in life so far - it took a while until I found out what went wrong. And now it's my answer for the standard question in job interviews "what was the biggest failure in your life". :cool:
Most people try to show off in job interviews - I don't. If I show off I get the job that's made for the guy I pretend to be. If I'm honest I might get the job that is perfect for me. Of course those job interviewers pretend about their company, too, but that's another story.

GG, if you job interviewer doesn't honor your trading experience then it's the wrong job.
 
one thing that stuck out to me about your 1st post in this thread was that you brought the account back up to 2k by writing a check, and then considered the next trade a hail mary trade.

why? hail mary trade, going for a touchdown? when you're down, isn't it more wise to cut your position size, play small, get back in the positive?

you said that you lost 200 bucks on the hail mary trade. so you lost 10 percent of your account in a single trade. why would you be taking all that risk when you haven't been doing well?

im curious to know what you were thinking when you decided to come up with the idea of a hail mary trade.

also, what is so bad about getting a job, even a minimum wage one? Hell, I worked for UPS loading packages into trailors. you work hard, then you can become supervisor in 3 months. People dis minimum wage jobs, but they're not bad. And you can still work on your trading while having these jobs. So by getting a job, even a crappy one, you can have a steady income, and work on what you like to do, trading. a perfect job is a graveyard shift security guard. you just sit there, and you can read all trading books you want, go through charts, etc. Why dread getting a job?

Hey, I don't know you, and I really have no idea what your situation is. So if this sounds like criticism, don't take it that way.

Hell, What do I know, anyway.

Jake
 
Quote from Gordon Gekko:

about 2 weeks ago, my account at IB dwindled down to like $1975. to place a trade, you need $2000. so i wrote a check for $50 to get back above $2000 and considered my next trade a hail mary trade. well, i did the trade today and lost like $200.

i really just don't have the money to continue. 0% of me wants to quit, but i just can't afford to send more money into my account, so i am for the time being, done. yes, i know a couple months ago i started a similar thread, but i found a way to get some more money, so i could keep at it a little longer. but now, i just don't know what the hell i can do.

i can already see the responses now from dbphoenix, nkhoi, elcubano, etc. i'm looking for sympathy, blah blah blah. i'm gonna state right now, i don't care what negative responses i get in this thread. i really just don't give a fuck.

that said, my (financial) life has made a new all time low today. i totally feel obliterated. i have put countless hours into trying to trade since 1999, i'm 25, and i have absolute NOTHING to show for it and i'm pissed. i'm gonna have to get a job and i'm probably going to get paid like minimum wage. who the hell is going to hire me when i haven't had a job in like 3 years? what am i going to say at interviews? "so what have you been doing the last 3 years?" "trying to trade, but i lost all my money." on top of that, i am going to be MISERABLE at some job. you people can have any opinion you want of me, but i am not someone who should get paid minimum wage, i don't care what anyone says. i'm gonna be miserable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

finally, i almost feel like the last few months i was really starting to understand the market. i may even have a profitable trading strategy but my account is just way too tiny to trade it. that's another thing that pisses me off. if i had an ok size account, i could maybe make at least what i'll make at some minimum wage job.

once again, i am NOT asking for help and i am NOT looking for sympathy. i'm just posting my current situation and it sucks.
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25 years old.......you are exactly where you should be in life....struggling to make something of yourself so keep your head up; your doing just fine. I agree with dp though, grab your gonads and go find youself a job...your negativity and unhappiness does not come from your inability to trade, this should be the first thing you figure out before trying to trade again.....peace

p.s. I wish you the best of luck...
 
Quote from Gordon Gekko:



i meant to say this earlier, but i'm gonna get to the heart of my STRIFE. it shouldn't be a surprise to many ET people that I am not religious. if you are religious, fine, but i am not. it is my belief that the current life i have is all i will ever have. i do not believe in a heaven and i do not believe i'm coming back in another life. i totally believe this life i have now is all i will ever have. because of this, i want it to be the best that it can possibly be. that's partly why i aimed high and went after trading. it can be very rewarding if done well. i totally feel like i am not living up to how i want my one life to be. i put a lot of time into this and i was not smart enough to make things turn out right. if i had done it correctly, i could have a house, have parties all the time, and have a good life. now, instead, i'm stuck still struggling 4 years later. because i fucked everything up, by the time i own a house now, i'm gonna be 40+.
More...

What do you want? Do you want to trade or do you want to have a house and a party every evening?

Quote from Gordon Gekko:


some people say that they have a dream that occurs frequently. i can't recall any particular dream, but i VERY FREQUENTLY wake up in the middle of the night thinking to myself that I AM going to be dead someday. IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN, I WON'T LIVE FOREVER. i will then start thinking how i'm fucking it all up. i will think things like, i'm not going to live forever and things are not going according to how i had planned. things are taking longer than i thought they would and life is passing me by. day by day, i'm getting closer to my death date. i am also not getting any younger. i am very frustrated in this sense. i could get into this more, but this is enough for now..
More...
You think you're fucking up because you don't get filthy rich in no time? Aren't you glad that you are back to reality?
I now and then dream this dream of becoming rich quick, too. - sometimes after a big win and always before a big loss.
Since this issue makes you waking up in the night you should seek professional help - a psychologist or a psychatrist. To win in the markets you have to resolve this issue.


Trading isn't an option for the time being. So do what's next on your list of favourite jobs. (Note: *your* list, not the one of your parents or whoever you want to impress).
Go for it - even if you have to go back to college for it. If you like it and have some talent then you'll be good at it and that will make it possible to earn some decent money. Building up a new trading stake will be a side effect. Don't even think about doing a McJob as long as you don't have to.
You live now. Enjoy what you do now. If you're always living in the future you'll never live. There won't be a St. Petrus at heaven's gate asking you what you achieved in your life.

Sorry for the rant - just my 2 cents.
 
Quote from Jake777:

one thing that stuck out to me about your 1st post in this thread was that you brought the account back up to 2k by writing a check, and then considered the next trade a hail mary trade.

why? hail mary trade, going for a touchdown? when you're down, isn't it more wise to cut your position size, play small, get back in the positive?

Jake
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Jake,


I agree 100%. When I'm having a difficult time in the markets, I put restrictions on myself and I slow right down... to a snail's pace.

That helps clear my mind and build confidence without putting myself in a dangerous situation.


gotta_trade
 
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