Sarcasm appears to be your stock method of argumentation.
That you fail to see that the sarcasm is a means of trying to enable you to understand my opinion - since normal discourse obviously does not - is not my concern.
Sarcasm is not known as a means to elevate understanding or enable others to grasp opinion.
Constant use of sarcasm is recongnized as a form verbal abuse.
Main Entry: sar·casm
Pronunciation: 'sär-"ka-z&m
Function: noun
Etymology: French or Late Latin; French sarcasme, from Late Latin sarcasmos, from Greek sarkasmos, from sarkazein to tear flesh, bite the lips in rage, sneer, from sark-, sarx flesh; probably akin to Avestan thwar&s- to cut
Date: 1550
1 : a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain <tired of continual sarcasms>
2 a : a mode of satirical wit depending for its effect on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual b : the use or language of sarcasm <this is no time to indulge in sarcasm>
Many people find it difficult to determine what constitutes emotional abuse. The media is full of information about physical and sexual abuse, but emotional abuse seems to be much more difficult to define. A few writers have begun to address this form of abuse, provide new insight into this form of abusive behavior, and explore the damage caused by it. Most of the information here will be taken from the book, The Emotionally Abused Woman, by Beverly Engel.
"Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, and verbal or physical assaults. Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics such as intimidation, manipulation, and refusal to ever be pleased." (p. 10)
According to Engel, there are ten behaviors that characterize emotional abuse: domination, verbal assaults, abusive expectations, emotional blackmail, unpredictable responses, constant criticism, character assassination, gas lighting, constant chaos, and sexual harassment. Following are brief descriptions of each.
Domination A dominator needs to control everything. He decides who you talk to, where you go, what you wear, how much money you have, what you do and when. They frequently will use anger or threats to get what they want from you. They have all the rights, you have none (p. 13).
Verbal Assaults An abuser will use "berating, belittling, criticism, name calling, screaming, threatening, blaming, and using sarcasm and humiliation." (p 14). These assaults induce fear in the victim and passivity.
Character Assassination According to Engel character assassination "Occurs when someone constantly blows your mistakes out of proportion; gossips about your past failures and mistakes and tells lies about you; humiliates, criticizes, or makes fun of you in front of others; and discounts your achievements." (p. 17-18).
Any one of these on occasion may be used by individuals.
However it is the constant use of these behaviors used specifically to get one personal needs met at the expense of the other that are destructive.
Victims often feel helpless, guilty, not good enough, like they deserve it. Engel states that "True emotional abuse is distinguished by the following:
It is constant, as opposed to occasional.
The intent is to devalue and denigrate rather than to simply state a complaint.
The intent is to dominate and control rather than to provide constructive criticism.
The person has an overall attitude of disrespect toward you, rather than just not liking something specific that you are doing." (p. 22)
The saddest thing about this type of abuse is that despite the tremendous damage it does to the victims, it is rarely identified as abusive behavior. Many of the victims who have experienced this type of emotional abuse, have been convinced of their inability to function in the world without their partner. They are convinced that they deserve the treatment or that there is nothing they can do to make it right. Some even say, "They only say (or do) that because they love me and want to help me be a better person." Like any victim of mind control techniques, the victim is unable to see the abuse because it has been cloaked in the guise of caring or love. And the victim that believes that this is love, is more at risk for either returning to an abusive relationship or getting into another one after leaving the first.
