Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Matt Stichnoth
bankstocks.com
mstichnoth@bankstocks.com More by This Author...
Barton Biggsâs new Wall Street memoir, Hedgehogging, is so bad, in so many ways, and on so many levels, that I doubt I have the literary gifts to do justice to its awfulness in under 800 words. But I'll try!
Let me start, if I must, with Biggsâs discussion of his âinvestment philosophy.â Hereâs a man, remember, who for years was the chief strategist at Morgan Stanley, arguably the most prominent investment bank on Wall Street. Heâs dealt with a lot of smart people for a long time. Youâd think heâd have picked up some interesting insights to share.
But based on what his book has to say, youâd be wrong! On the available evidence, Barton Biggs doesnât have a coherent investment philosophy, in my view. At one point, for instance, Biggs makes himself sound like a value-oriented, bottom-up type. Fine. But elsewhere, heâs strictly macro, as with his famous, bearish bet on oil in 2004. For awhile, he talks up momentum investing. Then thereâs the chapter on Fibonacci numbers. (Donât ask.) âThe money game is played in the third and fourth dimensions,â he writes. That happens to be literally true, of course, but I donât think thatâs what Biggs means. I think he means the game is played in the fifth and sixth dimensions--in which case, I havenât a clue as to what heâs talking about. By page 111, even Biggs himself seems confused. âMy real theory is that the investment superstars have some special magic with markets that enables them to do the right things most of the time.â
Oh-kay. Thus we receive the accumulated wisdom of forty years on Wall Street: âspecial magic.â In Biggsâs mode of analysis, managers have âhot streaksâ and then âgo cold as ice.â Performance is all that matters, he writes. Well, yes. As to a discussion of what process he believes will most reliably generate superior performance, youâll be in the dark. The investment philosophy he describes will work just as well selecting lottery numbers as it will for picking stocks.
If Biggs the strategist is confused, meanwhile, Biggs the man is . . . well, letâs just say heâs not a lot of laughs at parties. Biggs seems intent to make the point early on that he is the opposite of what Sue Anne Nivens used to call, on the old Mary Tyler Moore Show, a âpeople person.â Here he is describing the attendees at Morgan Stanleyâs hedge fund conference at The Breakers in Palm Beach, the year that he pitched his hedge fund there:
There are many tribes at the conference. First, there are the professionals, who come from the big funds of funds, foundations, endowments, and pension funds. They have bored, cynical stares and limp handshakes. . . . The American men wear suits and have sweaty armpits. The women are tall and plain. By contrast, some of the Royal and Ancients from the big London FOFs have striped blue shirts with white collars and double-barrelled named and chins. . .
Then there is the rest of the crowd, the amateurs, mostly individuals and small, wannabe funds of funds. Germans with bulging eurobellies from family offices mingle with bloated Arabs in pale suits and white shirts, their handshakes as cool and clammy as snakeskin. Former investment bankers exchange distinguished lies with portly ex-diplomats, permanently deformed by self-importance. Wrecked old Texans with faces like road maps sour breath, and fitted Hawaiian shirts . . .
âBored, cynical stares and limp handshakes.â? Ex-bankers âdeformed by self-importance.â? These are the people, donât forget, that Biggs hopes to sign up as customers. The other fund managers at the conference arenât up to the Biggsian standard, either, by the way. They are âtwerps.â
But for all Hedgehoggingâs snootiness and investment vacuity, the worst thing about the book is its incoherence. In particular, Hedgehogging consists of a) a long complaint about what a pain in the neck it is to raise money in the hedge-fund business (you donât say!), b) a series of descriptions of money managers, identified by first names only (why, I donât know), who Biggs says he admires, apparently because their recent numbers have been strong, and c) a bunch of filler, including, among other things, discussions of the fine-art market, the Kondratieff wave, John Maynard Keynesâs sex life, and a description of a dinner with Margaret Thatcher. All of this, I scarcely need to add, is 100% insight-free.
As I say, Hedgehogging is dreadful. If I have prevented you from buying it, I believe I have done you a personal favor. You are very, very welcome.