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where to find the golddiggers....
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Dear Wall Street,
Life may be tough, and your industry might be crumbling, but what you need to realize is that the implications of this crisis for the rest of New York society are even more intense. You Bankers are the core of our ecosystem, the top of the food chain. And when there are less lions hunting, the natural balance is destroyed and next thing you know advertising guys are picking up tens at 1Oak buying drinks from the bar. Pathetic. Without you, there's chaos, and hot women don't know where to turn. In the next year there will be too many hot girls that were supposed to marry bankers making the life-long decision to settle with consultants, accountants, and lawyers? Its unnatural and unfair.
There literally cannot be another newspaper article about how you have all moved back to Connecticut to tend bar or work in corporate development at Denny's. Bankers do not work on a 100% salary-based compensation structure! It is traumatizing. Please, get yourselves together.
Yesâyou got hit. Perhaps a certain form of derivative you dedicated your entire life to understanding the intricacies of is now obsolete. Maybe the crucial part of "Leveraged Finance" doesn't really exist anymore. Or worst case scenario, you now work at Bank of America.
Madoff / Satyam / Auto industry â it's a fucking mess. We understand things are suboptimal. Even you Buy Side guys are having a hard time conjuring up deal flow and fudging 40% losses so they look like twenty. But New York City needs you all right now. The world needs you right now. This crisis is causing serious identity issuesâfor what are we, if not your shadows?
Fortunately, this note is both a plea and an invitation. We would normally look to you to solve all our problems for us, but, in true Nationalized America spirit, it's the government that is helping address this more significant, social aspect of the economic downturn. As part of the mysteriously allocated $700B bailout package, funds have been appropriated to FashionMeetsFinance to help bail Wall Street out, emotionally.
On January 22nd, we will be celebrating finance. With expensive whiskeys, truffled everything, and, most importantly, beautiful girls from the fashion industry, we will remind you what it truly means to be a financier. You will reassert your crucial role in New York City's pecking order, and even though Broad & Wall is about as dry as the homeland of some dude in IT, you will make it rain. Order will be restored.
Things may be tough right now, but we're rooting for you Wall Street. Keep the brand alive.
Sincerely,
FashionMeetsFinance