I understand physics but I'm not sure it's that simple. Otherwise the most popular .45 round would not be 230 grain.
One reason that heavier rifle loads are preferred is they pack more punch at a distance. The bullet will lose quite a bit of velocity over a couple hundred yards or more. It still weighs the same though.
Distance is not a real factor in home defense. Ability to defeat body armor could be crucial however.
Grain refers not just to bullet size but powder as well. A higher bullet weight gets less powder (to maintain safety in firing). This is because the heavier bullet has more friction and cannot be fired at the same speed as a lighter one without risk to the barrel.
That being said, the difference in different grain ammunition of the same caliber is very insignificant when you're talking only about the impact to a target at relatively close range. You can put it on paper, but it's not going to be very detectable in the real world.