I didn't love God before I was saved. I wouldn't say there was anything about Christianity that turned me on. I didn't want to go to hell because that is terrifying.
So, I guess you could say I was scared into believing. Is that wrong? The better question would be to ask if that is the way the Bible describes conversion?
We are all guilty of sin. Some try to hide that fact by squelching any thoughts or beliefs that remind them of their guilt in things. But God made us "judges." We discern what is right and wrong, even though often times we think what is wrong is actually right and what is right is actually wrong. If you have ever judged the actions of another person or even your own actions, then you have just proven my point. This fact can stand alone as a means to provide evidence that God exists as the ultimate Judge.
"So God is going to throw me to the wolves because christianity doesn't turn me on?"
No. It has nothing to do with whether or not you like Christianity or even God. It has to do with your guilt and what you do with your guilt. "Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy." Proverbs 28:13 This is a general truth, not the entire gospel. If you think about it, there is really a lot of wisdom packed in that verse that can be helpful for all people. Honest self-evaluation for improvement is also very important in trading.
However, in this nugget of wisdom there lies a promising gem. If we take an honest look at ourselves as a holy, good, loving, yet not-tolerating-evil God would see our sin, we find a huge problem.
And that problem can turn into the best discovery of a person's life it if leads one to turn in their hearts to Jesus as their God and Savior.
The problem is sin. "But your wickedness has separated you from your God, And your sins have hidden
His face from you so that He does not hear." Isaiah 59:2 Amp
We can't get rid of sin ourselves. Just as you can't remove a nail from a board without a hole being left behind, even if we became perfectly good for the remainder of our lives, it does not undo even the tiniest of sins.
But we don't need to get rid of sin ourselves. We don't need to get cleaned up before becoming a Christian. We don't make promises to God that we will do better in life so He can let us into heaven.
Do you know what "dead works" are? That is a phrase used a few times in the New Testament. Basically, they are whatever we do, our "works," that don't do anything to help our standing before God. I believe it can be used of things we do that are both bad as well the things we do that are good. Neither our good or our bad things are good enough in God's sight. They are all dead works.
The ONLY solution is what Jesus had to die for. He had to be the Righteous one who bore our sin so that we could be given His righteousness.
how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal [Holy] Spirit willingly offered Himself unblemished [that is, without moral or spiritual imperfection as a sacrifice] to God, cleanse your conscience from dead works and lifeless observances to serve the ever living God? Hebrews 9:14
And THAT is the Solution.
It is that Jesus met the requirements of satisfying God's wrath at our sin and living a perfect life in our behalf so that He CAN cleanse us from all the guilt that we have.
I'm not going to pry into your previous experience with Christianity, but I do want to put something into your mind for you to think about:
Did you have Jesus cleanse you from your guilt before God by personal repentance and deliberate asking of God to apply to you what Jesus did at the cross and the resurrection? This is the key, in fact it means everything. Someone can pray the sinners prayer and have the right words yet not have truly experienced becoming saved if they did not come to rest in Jesus as their guilt cleanser.