Quote from slammajamma:
So is the Shiek deflowering 70 virgins right now, even though he was a quad with no erectile function? Or is Allah restoring his full manly functions?
And where did the 70 virgins come from? Are they ethereal creatures or the souls of unfortunates from earth? And if the latter, isn't that a lot of young women to sacrifice for the pleasures of a martyr? And what about the female martyrs, do they get 70 young hunks, or are they munching carpet up there?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Well, I agree, those are all contradictions.
Saturday Night Live did a solid parody years ago. Although it was sans the overtly religious overtones, the point was made in their usual "subtle" style.
Pretty virgin is chained to the wall in the dungeon of the monster; the good townspeople, as they do every year, had given her over in appeasement (without her consent, of course). He has managed to overpower the knight who came to her rescue.
But instead of killing him, the monster bids as to whether this knight frequents any of the bars in town. When the knight says that he does, the monster's demeanor changes from killer to trader--he whines about how sick and tired he is of always getting these clueless virgins each and every year. And the skit begins to hit its stride.
The monster rolls his eyes and with tons of sarcasm asks, "Have you ever HAD a virgin??" followed by mimicking, "Ooh, ooh, what are you going to DO now? Ooh, what's THAT for?? Ooh, why do you want ME to do THAT?? Where? Where?? WHERE??? I don't KNOW if I want to!! I don't know IF I can! Oh, NO, not again!! Ooh, it hurts!!"
He finishes by confiding in the knight that virgins are overrated. Way, way overrated. Then he strikes a deal, agreeing to let this one and the knight go free if, on the knight's word of honor, he promises to go into town and bring back a clean but really skanky whore. Really, really skanky. The knight agrees.
And so do I.