from the "is that a DVD in your pocket, or are happy to see me?" dept.
Best one I heard was a grocery store near a Century Village in Florida. To live there, I guess you need to be a hundred. Anyway, this guy is standing in the checkout line, and blood is running down his face. A woman in line sees this, and begins screaming.
The manager, obviously experienced in such manners, runs over, takes the guy's hat off, exposing a T-Bone Steak.
I would have thought it would have been easier to steal one of those big hard salamis by stuffing it down your trousers, and, you might get lucky. But then again, who wants to get lucky at Century Village?