It was not a good holiday weekend for me.
I may be abusing the privileges of commenting in this journal, as today I need to talk about something other than trading, and I completely understand if you want to âchange the channel.â I apologize ahead of time for being so off topic.
It is just that I have to get some stuff off of my chest, and I am feeling too embarrassed and hurt right now to talk to any of my friends about this.
About 2 months ago, I met this girl. She was not like anyone I have ever met. Bright, young, innocent, open, understanding, and beautiful.
I have never had good luck with women. I donât need to go into my past here, just say that I have a hard time trusting women because of things that have happened in my past. So I have protected myself from getting hurt. Yet, there was something about this women that was different, I really believed I could open up my heart to her.
I met here through a personal ad. I have a difficult time meeting women, and I have to be honest, I have a few flaws in my appearance that turn a lot of women off. I am old now, my hair is thinning badly, I am short and sort of hunchbacked, and I have very big ears. Well, you get the picture.
So when I met here for the first time I was afraid. I thought I would be rejected once again for sure, that she would see the outside of me and not take the time to see the inner me.
With the very first look at her, I was a goner. A beautiful young woman, dark hair, beautiful form, and a glowing smile. Her eyes looked deep into my soul and I felt as if I had come home.
I felt so comfortable that I told her my fears right away, how I was self conscious about my ears being so large. To my surprise, and without a trace of hesitation on her part, she just smiled, reached over and grabbed my ear, and gently pulled on it.
âJust waitâ¦.â She said. âBig ears turn me on. I will show you how much pleasure you can feel through your ears when I make love to you. I love large earsâ¦gives me something to hold ontoâ¦as I get a bit wild during love making.â
I tried to maintain my composure when she said that, but I felt like a teenager again, ready to explode inside from the rush of blood flowing through my old body.
I wonât go into the details, but letâs just say she was the best I ever had. I was so much in love. I was thinking of marriage.
Here is where the story turns badly.
This weekend, I was scheduled to go out of town on Saturday on business, but my plans got cancelled. I decided to surprise her, and I had purchased a new digital video camera for her to surprise her with.
I went over to her house, and I let myself in. She had given me a key. I called out her name, but heard nothing. I looked around, but could not find her. Then I heard some noises coming from the bedroom. Strange noises, I couldnât make out what was being said. It was a strange voice making guttural sounds.
I felt a strange force, unlike anything I have ever felt before.
I donât think I could possibly describe what I saw when I looked in her bedroom. If I told you, you simply would not believe meâ¦but as luck would have itâ¦and perhaps it is bad luck, I donât knowâ¦.I did have the camera with me.
I was able to take a picture.
I have been looking at that picture for the past couple of days and crying. The sense of betrayal, the painâ¦Iâve never felt anything like this before in my life. I hope I can recover from this.
I want to sincerely thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts and feelings in this forum. I am working up the courage to tell my friends, and writing this helps me work up the courage to face them. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed.
They say that you have to âfeel to healâ and boy do I feel right now. Trading seems so meaningless right now, as my heart is truly broken.
Here is the picture I took that fateful day when I came upon my former girlfriend in her bedroom and caught her in the act.â¦â¦I think it truly tells the whole story of my grief and shock.
