I think you need more or better rules to guide your behavior and these rules should come from your own research/backtesting - not trading literature or gurus who tend to make unsubstantiated claims from cherry picked charts.
A simple example would be that in back-testing a few years of data manually, you discover that 80 % of the time you're better off waiting at least 15 minutes before initiating a signal as the morning period generally is directionless.
In effect, this means you will miss the occasional large move right off the open, but 80 % of the time you'll avoid getting chopped up. It also means you will be sitting on your hands for 15 minutes or more and yes - the market may move strongly and you will miss those moves, but they're not yours to take. Yet.
As for self-destruction - trading is probably not very pleasant for you right now. So deep down you may actually want this to be over and thus lose on purpose - even if you're not fully aware of it.
If I were you - I'd just take the loss and go back to the drawing board to study more and build a better plan if you want to give it one more shot after this.
Good luck either way.
