Today was brutal. I would rate it 3/10. Constantly stopped out which is fine all part of my strategy BUT I yo-yoed with my position sizing. Went in with full size, get stopped, then lose confidence and size down. Make a trade and win then go back to full position and lose. Erasing the profit and so on so forth. I then tried to take an ES long (I am supposed to trade micros) where I accidentally submitted 2 orders causing me to lose much more than I planned. I also took an MNQ trade that went way beyond my intended stop (I moved it). Todays losses are because of Position size errors and not respecting my stops. Had I respected position size I would have been able to stay in trades longer and would have had a much better day. Losses are normal for me especially on chop days like today but my problem is position sizing. I got it in my head that if I can "control the risk" (tighter stop) that I can take a bigger size. The problem is that obviously if I am not perfect with an entry I will either have to stop out near instantly or move my stop and risk a large portion of my account. From now on I will allow absolutely no lee way in position size and trade 2 MNQ and 4 MES until I have consistent profitability. I have this nagging in the back of my head that says "The market is going to move 300 points one of these days and if you size up to 2 NQ contracts and catch even 100 points that is $4000". That is what caused me to blow up in the past, and It caused me to take that dumb ES trade today. The PROBLEM is that I dont know 100% if the market will move that much and if I am wrong I am risking way too much. Getting a grip on those emotions and not letting the outcomes of each trade change my position size and where I put my stops will be crucial to my success. I was sim trading last month and was absolutely killing it. I also just read Trading in the Zone by Mark Douglas and thought I really understood it. Things are easier said than done and implementing the mindset in the book is difficult. In my sim account I had a 75% probability of a win and a 5:1 profit factor. Yes market conditions were different and allowed me to fully exploit my strategy but I feel like it had a lot to do with it not being real money and therefore not cause my mind to start racing. I figured with those stats I can start taking larger risk with tighter stops since I am so "accurate" and my "winners" are so much bigger than my "losers". Obviously that is not working out and I need to adapt and give up the "take more risk because you are usually right" stuff. I have a lot to improve on but I am making progress despite how bad my results are. In the past I have lost more money with less margin. However, I am giving myself a hard stop on my account and if I hit it I will wire the money out and stop trading until I fully recoup my losses through some other form of earning money. There is a negative voice in my head telling me I will fail at this and never make any real money. It is also bashing me for making the same stupid mistakes over and over again. There is another other voice telling me that if I keep acknowledging and correcting my mistakes eventually I will make it. It just will not happen as soon as I once thought. Posting this journal is extremely difficult and embarrassing but it might just help me stay accountable to my rules next week and make me green! Also it might help give other struggling traders some confidence and feel better about their performance. I will post my trade summary and orders but I will not post the charts because they are irrelevant today. Happy new years everyone! See you on Monday.
Daily P/L: -13.4%
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Week P/L: -19.4%
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Inception P/L: -19.4%
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Daily P/L: -13.4%
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Week P/L: -19.4%
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Inception P/L: -19.4%
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