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I ve been meaning to offer up an explanation for my absence. Life changes and I've moved on. You guys are all great and the time spent here had a purpose. I log on once in a while and read and might post. Hmnnn.. Here goes, the cliff note version. My wife of 30 years diagnosed with stage 4...

There's an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It's called Facebook.

Why do I have to buy a pack of 20 cigs? Anything else you can buy in a wide variety of quantity but not smokes. If you want to quit smoking buy a pack of 5 or 3 but no, ya gotta buy 20.

Be the change you want to see in the world. Buy a gun and throw it away. One less gun on the street, booyah.

The kid has 4 or 6 prior arrests, ahmnnn he is only 16, something should have been done on his 1st or 2nd arrest.

Apparently Scientists have created Anti rape pants. Which is what we used to call my father's sister.

I recall my first kiss. I was 14. I got a job and it was my boss's ass.

If you chain enough monkeys to enough typewriters, eventually one of the supervisors at the zoo will report you.

Toasters must have been a nightmare before sliced bread.

I bought a new book on tape. The first chapter about duct was excellent.

Dr Pepper - duh

Deformed Penis?

Ha I called my ins co yesterday, I had some free time and I wanted to see what the big deal is here. Bronze pays 60% of costs = 401 month Silver pays 70%= 478 Gold pays 80% = 563 month Plat pays 90% = 644 month Currently i pay 360 a month and i kid you not my ins pays almost 100%,

My wife and I were out for dinner celebrating our anniversary. "Who do you think I need to speak to about getting rid of this genital wart?" I said to her over a bowl of soup. "I didn't know you had one of those" she replied. "When did you discover that?" "My third spoonful. I thought...

Back when I was a kid, there was no internet, So people would sometimes have to walk for miles just to call me a cunt.

My wife phoned me in a panic saying she was about to get raped. I said, "Tell him you have diarrhoea, always works for me."

Nobody had heard of Ray Dolby until he died. The same thing happened with Peter Eject and Tony Rewind.

English literature SATmultiple choice exam: Q1: "To be or not to..." 1: A 2: B 3: C

Hey :D As I sat down on my stool in the pub last night, I suddenly thought to myself, "I should really go home and change my pants." :D ahahahaha :D :D

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Warum das lange gesicht?" The horse said, ''Fuckoff you German cunt, I'm on vacation!"