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No, I'm from New Jersey. We are very serious people here. It's because of the illegal chemicals in the ground. :) :) :)

Absolutely - mine is A LOT funnier :) :) :)

Careful How You Say It A policeman stops a speeding car and tells the woman driver: "When I saw you driving down this 25 miles per hour road, I thought to myself, 'sixty-five at least.'” The woman looked up at him and snapped back: "I don’t believe that is quite fair, Sir. This hat...

On Spaggetti Code A wealthy American was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go...

Corporate Life #46 SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider...

Wisdom Of The Ages (Repeat?) Give a man a hug, and he'll be warm for a minute... Set a man on fire and he'll be very hot for the rest of his life! Do not judge your brother until you have walked 5 miles in his shoes... By then you are far away and you also have his shoes! :) :) :)

Yes, you are right. The buck joke IS is funny. I tried the other one too and my friend said to me: "John, dear, shut up!" What can I say? :) :) :)

flytiger, This may well be the least funny joke posted on this thread and its predecessor.... :) :) :)

Successful Texas Lawyer A young cowboy from Dallas , TX goes off to college, but half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home "Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Austin that...

Good Question It was the first day of school after summer vacation. The kids had all arrived in the high school sophomore English class, and were chatting away, making new friends. THEN…In walked a very stern looking English teacher and a hush fell over the room as the kids scurried to...

Corrado "Junior" Soprano Did you hear about the Chinese Don? He'd make you an offer you couldn't understand! :) :) :)

A cocky State Highways employee stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for a possible new road." The old farmer nodded and pointed to his far left, "OK, but don't go in that field." The Highways employee said, "I have the...

Happily Ever After This old couple were celebrating their 70th wedding anniversary, and threw an elaborate party for the occasion. The whole extended family and all their friends were there and the man of the hour was working as hard as he could to help take care of the guests: "My love...

Just About Moms Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions: Why did God make mothers? 1 She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is. 2. Mostly to clean the house. 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born. How did God make mothers? 1...

Another One? Noooo!! A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had had happened to her ears? "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the...

LETTERS ABBY WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER: Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment...

Some Good Oldies A Chech immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Oh, yes," the Chech replied, "I know...

True Scifi Story During the initial space flights, NASA discovered that biro pens didn’t work under zero gravity conditions. To beat the problem, the American space agency spent 6 years and $95 million in designing a pen for use in space. The pen would work under zero gravity...

More Airline Humor All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture", and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: 1. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant...

Classy Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, “Olive or Twist?” :) :) :)