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Here's Another Oldie While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high...

Another Lame One A guy runs into the bar and says, "Quick, pour me 5 shots of your best scotch." The bartender pours them and the man drinks them as fast as he can. "Wow that's the fastest I've seen anyone drink," says the bartender. "Well you'd drink that fast if you had what I had..."...

Then there's the story of the man who went to a Greek restaurant and asked for any of their special dishes. The chef suggested fried lamb's tongue. The man promptly made a disgusted face: "I would never eat something that comes out of an animal's mouth!!" he exclaimed. The chef looked at...

So True, So Very True... :) :) :)

McCain On Lawyers Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? A: One is a scum-sucking, disgusting bottom-dweller, and the other is a fish! :) :) :)

No, no, that's "coitation", from "coitus interruptus", totally different... :) :) :)

TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE 1.. My wife and I divorced over religious differences. She thought she was a goddess and I didn't. 2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 4.. I used to have a...

How on Earth did you get my cousin's picture? :) :) :)

Amen, brother, Amen!! :) :) :)

Life Is Hard Calvin sees Elmer and asks: What’s up? Elmer says; first I got tonsillitis, followed by appendicitis and pneumonia. After that I got erysipelas with hemachromatosis. Following that I got poliomyelitis and finally ended up with neuritis. Then they gave me hypodermics and...

Terrible: Inside Every Microsoft Mouse :) :) :)

Chickens And Politics John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets," and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was...

The Two Friends Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Bill didn't show up. Sam wasn't concerned; he thought Bill might have a cold or some urgent appointment. But after Bill hadn't shown up...

Hey, nutmeg, imo, this would have been a little fullier if you hadn't put in the first mention of Hillary in the second paragraph... Just build the joke with the other people and explode the Hillary connection at the end. Just a thought. :)

Expert Medical Care A couple was making their first doctors visit prior to the birth of their first child. After the exam, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife’s stomach with indelible ink. The man and his wife were curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home...

Cruel, Very Cruel A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline for advice. The Psychic tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young female who will want to hold you and learn everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her near where I live or at a party?"...

Maybe A Repeat, But Still Very Funny These 15 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos from around the country: #15 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through" #14 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch...

Good one, nutmeg :)

This Just In: "Medical researchers in China just developed a vasectomy technique that does not involve a scalpel. However, it does involve a hammer and an anvil. :mad: The technique is a simple evolution of the one practiced in ancient Messopotamia, about 10,000 years ago...

Cold War History It is not widely known, but, back in the 80s, the Soviet Propaganda Anegcy contacted an American condom manufacturer and ordered 10 crates of 24-inch condoms "for use by the Soviet Special Forces." The issue was escalated to the State Department, because of the potential...