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A Woman's Wrath... This old man was feared by all his neighbors because they believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs and strange sounds and mysterious events at all hours. Every time he had a confrontation with his wife, screams and yelling could be...

FROM THE MYSTERIOUS MIND OF STEPHEN WRIGHT I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it. I had amnesia once - maybe twice. I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic. All I ask is a...

More From Churchhill "Sir, you are drunk!!" "And you, Lady, are ugly. However, 'I' will be sober in the morning!" "Sir, if I was your wife, I would put poison in your drink!" "Lady, if I was married to you, I would happily drink it!" "I never made a mistake in my life!!! ... ... At...

Very Wise Quote "When presented with the impossible question, the wise man hesitated a bit, hummed to himself three times, leaned forward and whispered: 'not sure about it, go ask a woman!'" :) :) :)

"No madam, you were not driving too fast, not at all. You were just flying a bit too low!" :) :) :)

Airline Humor, Cont'd A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. So, this was his first time approaching a small airport during the nighttime. Instead of declaring his flight and making any official requests to the tower, he just said: "Guess who?" At which...

Psychiatric Humor "Doctor, there's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. He claims he's invisible..." "Just go back and tell him I can't see him!" :) :) :)

Mexican Earthquake A big earthquake with the unbelievable strength of 9.1 on the Richter scale hits Mexico. Two million Mexicans have died and over a million are injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start. The country is asking for help to rebuild...

Confessions A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his friend Joe, a retired merchant from across the street, and asked him to cover for a few hours. Joe told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come...

Good Suggestion "Hello." "Mrs. Ward, please." "Speaking." "Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your...

An Interesting Fact Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common. It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water...

2008 Democratic National Convention Schedule Of Events 7:00 pm ~ Opening flag burning 7:15 pm ~ Pledge of Allegiance to the U. N. 7:20 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 7:25 pm ~ Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton 7:45 pm ~ Ceremonial tree hugging...

Following The Instructions Flight Attendant: Here is some chewing gum, Sir; it will help to keep your ears from popping. Flight Attendant: (after the plane landed): So, did the gum help? Passenger: Yep. It worked fine. The only trouble is I can’t get it out of my ears... :) :) :)

Instant Payoff A man was sent to prison. He was so bored while in there he found an ant and decided to teach it tricks - like beg, play dead, roll over, jump hair etc. He served his time and was released. He took his ant with him in a matchbox. The first place he went was to a bar. He sat...

OK, This Is The Last One The trains in Italy are so late that they need to have a pregnancy test. Italians have only two things on their mind. The other one is spaghetti and meatballs. A well known statistic measuring the respect that people have for their government shows that being...

And Another One A NATO ship captain has only a few seconds to convince the sailors of his sinking ship to jump overboard. Under such dire conditions and scarcity of time, he has to use a different approach with each nationality. So, he tells the English it would be unsporting of them not to...

Another One European heaven: Where cooks are French, mechanics are German, police are English, lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss.  Â. European hell: Where cooks are English, mechanics are French, police are Germans, lovers are Swiss and everything is...

OK Don, I understand what you are saying, but the trick is to be an equal opportunity offender. For example, here's one that offends almost everybody: "The results of a poll made by United Nations came out. The question was: "Please, tell us honestly what is your opinion about the abundance...

Polish Sausage A man walks up to a clerk and asks, "In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?" The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?" The guy (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something." If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask...

It's like the guy moaned to the proctologist: "Did you find Hoffa yet?..." :) :) :)