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A Heroic Woman Just after the storm that sank the small vessel, a helicopter dropped a rope to take up the survivors of the shipwreck: ten men and one woman. Yet, as they were all hanging there between life and death, holding onto the slippery cord with every ounce of strength they had, it...

Posthumus Ode To Health Food The couple was 85 years old, and had been married for over sixty years. They were far from rich, but they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy...

True Patriotism A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a year. That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon. Kind of makes you proud...! :) :) :)

Blind Humor 8 A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where Mother Superior was taking a shower. "There is a blind man to see you," she says. "Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I'm in the shower" Mother Superior says. "Send him in." The blind man walks into...

Blind Humor 7 A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap. When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth...

Blind Humor 6 There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas." When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon...

Blind Humor 5 One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to...

Blind Humor 4 A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The...

Blind Humor 3 A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around." :) :) :)

Blind Humor 2 A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the...

Blind Humor 1 Q: Why don't blind people skydive? A: It scares the heck out of the dog. :) :) :)

Some Famous Insults "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -- Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." -- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) "I've had a perfectly wonderful...

A Soldier's Story By the time the soldier pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere", he pleaded with a proprietor. "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, but he is an Air Force guy" admitted the manager, and he might be glad to...

For those who love the philosophy of ambiguity 1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 5...

Out In The Country Two city guys were walking through the woods for the first time in their life and came upon a big black, deep hole. Not knowing what to do, one man picked up a rock and tossed it into the hole and stood listening for the rock to hit bottom. There was no sound. He turned...

Old Blonde Tales Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away...Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????" A police officer stops a blonde for...

LAWS OF LIFE Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal...

A young woman walked up to a bleary-eyed, little old man who was shaking all over as he rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how care-free you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life, Sir?" "I don't know about any secrets of life, lady" the miserable...

The New Doctor A woman went to medical office, where she was seen by a young, new doctor. Her complaint was that she was suffering from ccontinuous hiccups. After about 4 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall...

THE VALUE OF UNDIES Here's your weekly safety brief. Be careful what you wear (or don't wear), when working under your vehicle ... especially in public. From the Sydney Morning Herald Australia comes this story of a central west couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car...