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sunseeker, I like your method but don't forget that there are several techniques out there that seem to meet your criteria. One of my principles is not to attempt to reinvent the wheel every time I need something. Not that I'm trying to sell anything, but, FYI, I've been using the information...

Three old guys out walking. First one says. "Windy isn't it?" Second one says, "No its Thursday"! Third one says. "So am I. Lets go get a beer". ******************** A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state...

10. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. 9. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. 8. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one is...

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York: Born 1903 - Died 1942. Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was. In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery: Here lies an Atheist all dressed up and no place to go. On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie...

What a great idea! :) :) :)

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in... I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses... I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets... I've learned that it takes...

Dear Ma and Pa: I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am...

Three Southerners and three Yankees are traveling by train to the Super Bowl. At the station, the three Northerners each buy a ticket and watch as the three Southerners buy just one ticket. "How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the Yankees. "Watch and...

This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries......but, now we know. If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race...you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework ...you're a pansy. If you work too hard ... there's never any time...

... THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN (by Dave Barry) 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. - - and NEVER take Nytol unless you are where you'll want to be in 12 hours. 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the...

How to stay awake in meetings, etc. Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here's a way to change all of that. 1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare yourself by drawing a square. I...

abishiai, This is funny. Now, to make it more real and iminent, can you work the French version? That's how things are currently going in Europe, right? :) PS. Polish may be next, and then, ultimately, Russian... :D

nkhoi, Have you heard of Diogenes, the founder of the cynical school of philosophy in ancient Greece? I sometimes have a feeling he was your guru in a previous life... :)

A very attractive lady goes up to the bar. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asks...

A Priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that...

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later...

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994...

A Husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself. "You know love" she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, my butt is sticking out a...

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point...

A big, tall Texan was eating dinner at an expensive local restaurant after a long day of sightseeing and tequila- sipping in Mexico City. He noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the table next to his. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked...