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A MAGAZINE RECENTLY RAN A "DILBERT QUOTES" CONTEST.THEY WERE LOOKING FOR PEOPLE TO SUBMIT QUOTES FROM THEIR REAL-LIFE, DILBERT-TYPE MANAGERS. HERE ARE THE TOP TEN FINALISTS: 1."As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will...

The Ring A white-haired old man walked into a jewelry store on a Friday, with a beautiful young lady at his side. "I'm looking for a very special ring for my girlfriend," he said. Our jeweler looked through our stock and took out an outstanding ring priced at $5,000. "I don't think...

As they said in a fun movie - "Second Hand Lions" It's all about dying with your boots on!!!

Yeah, I use it for my 'original' material as well - special thanks to Bsulli, bobcathy, T.A., JohnK, T.G., and a 'call-out' to Yannis (I miss his stuff)!! Oh well, back to trying to find better mortgages for one job and better stocks for the other!!

Don - I didn't know you 'lurked' on this forum as well!! Pleasant escape from OPG, Bright Bashng, E-Mini predictions and other serious pursuits found elsewhere on this site!! (I'm trading again, smaller size, small profits. . . . . as Arnold says, "I'll be back")

Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests: I decide to wash my car. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the...

HAIRCUT A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in...

Wow - who has time to find this stuff? Better yet, who has time to program it?? Cool.

Little David was in his 4th grade class in Newport Beach, when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up ... fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, etc. David was being uncharacteristically quiet, so the teacher asked...

Thank-you Tech Analysis!! And why are traffic lights all the same diameter? I don't know, just wondered. . . . (I'm a blond, dumber than dirt too).

We missed your stuff (B.S. and otherwise)!

A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls deathly quiet. In a deep, husky...

Deep Thoughts *Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?" *Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there...I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes out of its ass." *Why do...

Either way is probably true. . . . . (knowing those "good" Catholic Irish lassies): John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his...

Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested yesterday for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena. She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the...

Bright's (Don mostly) boot camp is immearsurably valuable. I would have saved many thousands of dollars if I had attended this when 1st offered around 2 years ago. But no, I was arrogant (trading successfully then), I was too smart to be a 'newby' or 'beginner' and I still had plenty of money...

Not as good as Bsulli's, but, for post Vatican-2, not bad: An intoxicated man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained; his face was plastered with red lipstick and a half empty bottle...

Mr. Bsulli - I just returned this evening from adult catechism class, and your story will be on the schedule next week!!

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband #1...

And whatever happened to "Cheeseburgers in Paradise"??