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A trip to the vet Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation. The Yellow Labrador turned to the Black Labrador and said, " So why are you here ? " The Black Lab replied, " I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the...

Subject: Fw: Biker Humor A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he did not want to appear...

Toilet Cleaning Instructions : 1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may...

To Be 6 Again... A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday. 'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the...

Whose Bad Luck? A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what...

You, who worry about Democrats versus Republicans--relax. Here is our real problem! In a Florida State University classroom, the students were discussing the qualifications to be President of the United States . It was pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural-born citizen of at...

Subject: Alzheimers test Alzheimer's Test How fast can you guess these words? 1. F_ _K 2. PU_S_ 3. S_X 4. P_N_S 5. BOO_S 6. _ _NDOM Answers: 1. FORK 2. PULSE...

A WOMAN'S POEM: Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's rich and self-employed, And when I spend...

PERFECT TRUCK I bought a new Ford F250 Tri-Flex Fuel Truck. Go figure it runs on either hydrogen, gasoline, or E85. I returned to the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the radio to work. The service technician explained that the radio was voice activated. 'Nelson,' the...

Inner Peace I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the...

Best Obituary of the Year, Guaranteed. Olpin Hoopes Funeral Home - View Obituary http://www.olpinhoopes.com/web/index.php?option=com_facileforms&Itemid=39&id=300

Bumper Stickers seen at Airport Employee Parking Lots Nationwide:

Airport Security Solution

Natural Thinning of an Over-Stocked Gene Pool

GOLFER AT THE DENTIST A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb...

Modern Sensitive Male The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy. She...

Subject: "Honesty" 40th Class Reunion Rachel, Clare and Samantha haven't seen each other since High School. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar. Rachel arrives first, wearing beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio...

Clinton Wedding: Saturday afternoon, while helping Chelsea put on her gown, Hillery asked, "So, have you had sex with Marc yet?" Chelsea said, "Not according to Dad"

Now I don't care who you are, this is just funny!

Ruining a perfectly good Movie Poster. . . Next thing you know they'll destroy all my favorites - like "Animal House", "Second-Hand Lions", "Caddy Shack", "Tin-Cup" and all the other over-50 year old man favorites!!