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BROOKLYN TONY: The teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on Brooklyn Tony. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I...

Confession There once was a religious young woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said," Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven." The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me...

Tough Year for us Golden Buffaloes. . . . Big 12 Quiz: (1) What does the average Texas player get on his SATs? Drool. (2) What do you get when you put 32 Baylor cheerleaders in one room? A full set of teeth. (3) How do you get a Iowa State cheerleader into your dorm room? Grease...

Five tips for a woman.... 1 It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job. 2. It is important that a man makes you laugh. 3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you. 4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you. 5. It...

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION WITH MY FAVORITE DOCTOR. Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will...

A Night Out With The Girls.... The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down WAY too easy.> Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just...

Take Me To Jail A Georgia State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 2 miles south of the Georgia/South Carolina state line. When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Savannah to do a...

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying: "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and Good-bye Grandpa." The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't...

2 Cows: DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into...

Truth of the matter. . . . A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor. "Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one ... "Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with...

It's Punny, I Promise. . . . John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot...

How to save the airlines......... Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the heck - the attendants have gotten old and haggard-looking. They don't even serve food anymore, so what's...

Redneck Revenge? Two good ole boys down in Gander were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer...After a while the first guy says to the second, "If I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday and make love to your wife while you was off huntin',and she got pregnant and had a...

Bo-Sox should be in the N.L.??? The Boston Globe August 21, 2006 Roxbury MA (AP) - A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a Boston courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and...

Blondes and Gators A Cajun walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one...

Installing a Red Neck Alarm System: HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM 1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots. 2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines...

The Golfer and the Dentist A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done...

Briefly Safe, Short on Class. . . .

Sure looks like real wood(y) to me!! Now that'd be a "real load". . .

I don't know much about Woodpeckers, so I don't have a clue as to what part of the country this picture of a GIANT Woodpecker was taken. But, as far as Woodpeckers, it's got to be the biggest on record!