Search results

28. Pay your taxes - they will not be with us too much longer! OK guys, it's over. It's done! WE RULE!! AGAIN!!! Deal with it... Please? :p

Two guys were riding in a car, arguing about how to say the name of the city that they were in. One said "Louieville" and the other "Louiseville." They went on arguing and arguing, until they came upon a fast-food restaurant. They go inside and ask the waitress, "Could you please tell us the...

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said, "But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess,"...

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. This other man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, Why did you have to die? Why did you have to...

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly another car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. "Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!" he whined. "You...

Two men were out golfing. As one was ready to take his shot, a funeral procession drove by the golf course. The man stopped what he was doing, put down his club, and took off his hat and placed it over his heart. His partner was moved by this and said, "Hey Joe, that's the nicest thing I've...

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their...

Three men wanted to cross a river. They had no idea how to cross it, so one man knelt down on his knees and prayed "Lord give me the power and strength the cross the river." Suddenly the man became very strong, dove in and swam across the river. The next man thought: if it worked for him...

My all time favorite postcard/slip-of-the-tongue from a hot vacation spot: "Everything is here - wish you were fine..." :p

Pierre, the French fighter pilot is having a picnic with his girlfriend. Girl: Kiss me Pierre, kiss me. Kiss me on the lips. Pierre opens the picnic basket, gets a bottle of red wine, pours it over her lips, dives in. 10 minutes later comes up for breath. Girl: Oh, Pierre!!! That was...

To anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice. Bill Gates gave a Speech to high school students about 11 things they would not learn in school. He talks about feel-good, politically-correct teachings having created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this sets them up...

A Taliban warlord was sitting in a cave high up on Bora Bora when he heard over a dune the voice of an American solider: "One American solider is better then 10 Taliban fighters." So the Taliban angry sent over ten of his high-ranking soldiers. After a lot of gun fire and yelling and screams...

Sooooo... This forum and thread are back in business? Fabulous!! Let's keep it clean, folks :)

Geography Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew...

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted, by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift...

Thanks LT :)

A golfer, playing a strange course for the first time, was teeing up on the first hole. He took out a 3-wood and addressed the ball. Suddenly, a voice to his right said, "No, take a club extra!" He looks around and sees a small frog sat at the side of the tee. "Was that you?" he asked the...

"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, the pilot, peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his plane." Author Unknown. "It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom." Joan Rivers. "If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at...

A small Alabama Wild Animal Park acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla, who was a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male...

I had major plastic surgery last week. My wife cut up my credit cards! :p