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A woman on the phone to her friend: "I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising…. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors... I bent, twisted, gyrated, pulled and pushed, jumped up and down and...

The World's Smallest Political Quiz http://www.theadvocates.org/quizp/index.html :) :) :)

Just In Case You Thought You Were Brave (Or Stupid) Enough http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBvUBQWK0w4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-dS64rmKDc&NR=1&feature=fvwp :) :) :)

The Potato Story A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called 'Yam.' Of course, they wanted the best for Yam. When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and...

Another Good One Once upon a time Dracula decided to carry some sort of a competition to see which is the finest of his special bats to stand on his right side. So all of his bats were honored to take part. The rules were simple. Whichever bat gets more blood, would be the winner. So the...

A Great Oldie A blonde went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Doctor, you have to help me, I'm in pain!" "Where are you hurting?" She touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts...

The Deaf Wife... A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her on the subject, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband...

Following The Rules One day an old woman walked into a shop and got some dog food from the shelf. But, when she went to pay for it, the cashier said "you can't buy that dog food, we need evidence that you have a dog, that's the rule." So she brought in her dog and she got the dog food. The...

Speaking Of Urine A renowned professor teaching medicine was giving a lecture. He took out a jar of yellow liquid. "This," he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant of everything, especially color, smell, sight, and taste. And, never be disgusted by anything. Now...

LOL! Good one :)

Jack was coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. The preacher grabbed Jack by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" Jack replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord...

Oscar, a German from North Dakota was an older, single gentleman who was born and raised a Lutheran. Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. Now, all of Oscar's neighbors were Catholic and since it was Lent, they were prohibited from eating...

An Atheist accosted a preacher. "Do you believe in eternal life?" The preacher looked at him but had no time to reply... "Well it’s a load of rubbish!" shouted the Atheist. "I believe in science, evolution, survival of the fittest, and when we die, that's it! No eternal life, no great...

A leader in a Christian Science church was talking to a member of his congregation: "And how is your husband today?" "I'm afraid he's very ill." "No, no," corrected the leader, "You really shouldn't say that - you should say that he's under the impression that he's very ill." The...

A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good man?" Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer...

A pious man, who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you...

Those Wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: It's a good thing church members have a good sense of horrors .. The Fasting & Prayer...

A guy goes into the confessional box. He finds on one wall a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest Cuban cigars. Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a long time since I've been to confession, but I must first say...

The following statements about the bible were written by children: In the first book of the bible, Guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came...

Quotes from 11 Year Old's' Science Exams "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water." "When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire." "H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water." "To collect fumes of...