My covid, parent dying, and getting back into trading (eventually).

I think that when our health or lives are at risk or a death happens in the family, it can force us to reevaluate what's really important in life. What you're feeling is normal and trading (and most things) aren't really important. We may enjoy them or get a paycheck from them but there's very few things in life that are actually important, like family, laughter, and paying attention to the beauty of the world before you no longer have eyes to see it. I think most things we humans do is basically a game but we are so into the game that it feels like it is life. Our actual needs for survival are basic compared to what most people strive for. Everything else is a game upon a game. Something to keep us occupied and our minds going while we don't have to contend with tigers and bears in modern times. I'd recommend looking into the teaching of non-egoic spiritual leaders like Eckart Tolle and Alan Watts or some other form of spiritual/religious pursuit and deep meditation. You'll probably find that when you don't seek answers (like about what you should do with your livelihood/trading) and instead allow the answers to come to you, the messages will be clear and unmistakable. If you listen to people like Eckhart Tolle and Alan Watts (lots of stuff on youtube) things can sometimes feel worse before they feel better. You peel away layers of ego and layers that have been imposed by society and it can feel like nothing actually matters in life. Then you will hopefully find that it is actually empowering and what matters in life is just what matters to you. You get to decide. It can feel like something is wrong with you in today's society if you don't have a constant drive to improve and make more money, and it's hard to fight this feeling, but that feeling is just part of the game that society really wants you to play. It's up to you if you want to play it.
 
jnbadger said:
This actually seems to me like it's a bit selfish and callous to be thinking about my trading right now, but dad is resting, and I need to temporarily get my mind off of shit.

The minister left about a half hour ago after saying a prayer for him, and after all of us said the lords prayer. Needless to say, there was a lot of crying, especially when he was saying goodbye to everyone. He's really gone downhill over the last week or so, and he knows the inevitable is coming soon. He's in a lot of pain, so we've been giving him lots of meds per hospice instructions. Cancer fucking sucks.

I first tested positive for covid mid June, and I was in the ER (2nd time since the positive test) on July 8th still feeling like hell, got an IV and tested positive again. Dr. said it was most likely the BA-5 Omicron variant. He said I'll be fine, but when I get better, I'll still feel like crap for quite some time. He wasn't kidding. I finally tested negative July 18th after having a horrible time of it.

I feel much better, but far from 100%. I'm tired all day every day. And knowing my dad is leaving us soon just adds to the emotional and physical drain.

I guess my point is that I've been trading for 26 years, and I absolutely love it, I've done very well, and I can't imagine myself doing anything else.

But I have absolutely no desire to trade. I haven't traded since a couple of days after my first positive test when I really started to feel like crap. And when I started feeling better, dad really started to get bad. My mind is so far from being able to trade, and I don't know when it will be.

I know everyone handles these things differently, but I'm seriously thinking of just taking the rest of the year off. I can't help but think of the holiday season and how much it's going to suck without dad. But I'm also wondering how long it will be before I say "Screw it. I want to trade."

There's not really a question here, but any thoughts and comments about how you've dealt with similar situations would be appreciated.

Thanks.
JNB
More...

Sorry for all you are going through. That's alot.

My thoughts . . . trust yourself and do what feels best. Trade when you want, stop when you don't. You will know when the time is right.
 
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