Cassandra: An Independent Contractor to the CME

D

Duref Mudgins

We find ourselves at loose ends here as we have one interview on hiatus and are awaiting the start of the new one on Friday evening. So I thought to provide a quickie impromptu pickup interview with my friend Cassandra, a very street-wise Chicagoan with intimate connections to hot-shot CME traders. Cassandra is very familiar with the art of commodity trading, Chicago style. She specializes in the cash market. Cassandra, welcome! Can you start by telling us a bit about yourself?
 
Mudgie, iddat yew? Las' tahm ah seed yew, yew's be usin' a udder name! Possumus, o' sumpin'. De Hugh Grunt 'a tradin', yew is! Allus drunk an' stumblin' in a alley wid onney ten dollah in yo pokkit, lookin' fo a job, an' ah doan mean wurk!
 
Cassie, it's good to talk to you, too, but the interview rules are that we preserve each others' confidentiality, and don't reveal any business-proprietary information. And just so our audience understands, when you gave me all those "jobs" it was in your professional capacity as a Chicago headhunter.
 
Oh, yeah, ah fo'got. Ah taught ah wuz onney 'sposed ta preserve yo' confidenshallity if yo' waf called. But, yas, ah be a speshlist in de CME. Dey wan's sumpin' speshul, de comes ta me!
 
Well, this interview is not about me, it is about you. So kindly tell us, please, Cassie, what kind of services you provide to CME traders as an independent contractor?
 
Oh, OK. Yo' waf give you greef o' sumpin'? Jist tell her yo' gots it fum a toylet! Doan say ah di'nt tell yo' a chewin' gum rapper ain' goan wurk!

OK. Whut's ah dew fo' de CME trader? Whut DOAN ah do fo' um, hooha!

Strickly speakin', ah goes on dey 'spense ropoats as a "inflashun 'sultant". Yo' see, 'flashun be bad, iss soooo hard, so ah deflates it fas' as ah kin!

Ah bin doon dat true fi' pres'denshul admenstruations!
 
Very interesting. I think Fed Chairman Bernanke could use your services. One week he seems to be bothered by inflation and the next deflation. And his consultations with Maria Bartiromo don't seem to be solving his problems. So tell us, please, what else do you do for CME traders?
 
Well, dey 'sults me 'bout de spred. Dass sumpin' ah knows a LOT a 'bout. Yo look at de naht seshuns. De spred be wiiiiide! Ain' nobody lak a wiiiiiide spred! So's ah tells um, tahten it tup! De spred be taht, yo' be gittin' mo' cussmer, like Cassie!
 
OK, Cassie, I think that's quite enough young lady! They don't call it the Chicago Mercuntile Exchange for nothing! So the next time you want to get screwed, come to the CME! Mudgins out!
 
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