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I Knew This One With Men/Golf; Here It Is With Women/Tennis... Still Funny Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day. One day Barb said, "Rose, we both loved playing tennis all our lives, and...

Definition Of Stong Mixed Emotions Seeing your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car... :) :) :)

Now, all we need is a similar depiction of a man's brain. That should be a much simpler job... What does a man think as he falls asleep in front of a TV set while drinking beer? :) :) :)

Look It Up A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a sandwich. The waiter brings him the sandwich. The panda bear eats it, pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter, and gets up and starts to walk out. The bartender yells for him to stop. The panda bear asks, "What do you want?" The bartender...

If Operating Systems Were Airlines DOS Air: Passengers walk out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane, push it until it gets in the air, hop on, then jump off when it hits the ground. They grab the plane again, push it back into the air, hop on, jump off... Mac Airways: The cashiers...

Lexophilia I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was...

And Now For A Little Bit Of Class: Modern Archaeological Findings After having dug to a depth of 10 meters last year, Italian archaeologist Dr Giovanni Dotto found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that his ancestors already had a telephone network more...

Sorry, that one is already gone. How about the other one, Trading Pairs?

USEFUL WORK PHRASES 1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. 2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. 3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 4. Any connection between your reality and...

La Nona Italiana An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming all the way to the old neighborhood in Little Italy to visit with his wife: "You comma to de front door of the apartmenta. I am inna apartmenta 301 . There issa bigga panel at the front...

Funny Dennis Miller For the foreseeable future, we're going to need oil products because I don't like the idea of hydrogen cars. I'm not sure I want to be cruising around a mall parking lot filled with a thousand mini-Hindenburgs. We're not allowed to do anything to nature anymore, except...

About England The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it. I like the English. They have the most rigid code of immorality in the world. In England there are sixty different religions and only one sauce. Not to be English was for my family so...

Ancient Wisdom Never be angry at someone unless you first walk five miles in his shoes. Then, when you let your anger out, you'll be five miles away and have his shoes! :) :) :)

Funny Jeff Foxworthy You might be a redneck:... If you own a home that is mobile, and fourteen cars that aren't. If your ironing board doubles as a buffet table. If your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade. If your underwear doubles as your bathing suit. If...

Funny David Letterman Nothing, believe me, nothing is more satisfying to me personally than getting a great idea and then beatin' it to death. Do I think there is a heaven? Uhhh, yeah I do. Like a really big gymnasium. How do I see myself there? With really bad seats. Everyone has a...

Funny Jay Leno I was in the ROTC. Of course, ROTC stood for "Running off to Canada". And some sad news… the first lesbian couple to legally get married in the state of Massachusetts has split up. They cited irreconcilable similarities. Women will soon be able to make their own sperm...

A Different Oldie A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so, a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from just in time to notice a young woman looking down. "Is this yours?" he asked. She...

Funny Robin Williams Canada is like a loft apartment over a really great party. I know there's one country in the world that doesn't have some horrible weapon of mass destruction they don't have some horrible weapons lab in the mountains ....Jamaica. They would never make an Atomic Bomb...

Funny Bob Hope As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn't been touched by the war and blew it to hell. Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on...

Funny Johnny Carson Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair. Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president. I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. If life was fair, Elvis would be alive...