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Another STUPID Joke Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape? A: "BREATHE YOU IDIOT, BREATHE!" :) :) :)

Interesting Status Report http://www.teammitch.com/site/c.lsKWL9PKLpF/b.4355325/

WHY THE RACE IS TIED By DICK MORRIS "After almost six weeks of a constant Obama lead, generally in the five to seven-point range, Scott Rasmussen’s daily tracking poll records two consecutive days of a tie race (July 12-13) and a one-point Obama lead on July 14. What happened to the...

Punny Funs Anyone? Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering. What's the definition of a...

Years ago, I was a grad student at the U of Virginia and, feeling very happy, not to mention wanting to impress my girlfriend, made an illegal turn coming out of baskeball game at night: UVA vs UNC, we absolutely killed them by 2 whole baskets :D I was immediately stopped by a 300 lb, 6:4...

A Politician In The Making Whis ball and bat in hand Little Pete walked to home plate in an empty baseball field. As he threw the ball up in the air, he announced, “I am the best ball player ever!” He swung with all his power, but missed. He did the same thing and missed again. He...

How Life Works Law of Mechanical Repair After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. Law of Gravity Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of Probability The probability of being watched is directly...

More Punny Funs I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me. There was a sign on the lawn at a...

An Oooooold Story A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic: He kissed her once, and then a second time and said, "Now that's addition." In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, "Now that's subtraction." Then he kissed her a few more times, and she kissed him...

It's Pun Time! It is said that the ability to make and understand PUNS is the highest level of language development. Here are the top 10 winners in the most recent International Pun Contest. 1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The Stewardess looks at him and...

Speaking Of Families There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church, and looked to be perfect Christians. Then, their pastor retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through...

Link, of course, to get something linear in the middle of small and large circles :)

Early Morning Joke Two eggs, a sausage, and a pancake walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast." :) :) :)

Old But Very Timely Story: The Haircut One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill and the barber replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber goes to...

LOL!!!!!

His 21st Birthday All of his life George from Cape Breton, up in Nova Scotia, had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they'd walk across the lake to...

The Stolen Car After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their...

Signs Found In The Kitchen So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust! Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! I clean house every other day. Today is the other day. If you write in the dust, please don't date it! I would cook dinner but I can't find the can...

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly Good: Your wife is pregnant. Bad: It's triplets. Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago. Good: Your wife's not talking to you. Bad: She wants a divorce. Ugly: She's a lawyer. Good: Your son is finally maturing. Bad: He's involved with the...

Old Cautionary Tale There was an old man, a boy, and a donkey. They were going to town and it was decided that the boy should ride. As they went along they passed some people who thought that it was a shame for the boy to ride and the old man to walk. The old man and boy decided that maybe...