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Butch the Rooster John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers called pullets and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to make sure the eggs were fertile. John kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That...

Correct use of the "F" word Correct use of the "F" word… or, When is @#$% Acceptable? There are only eleven times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use. They are as follows: 11. "What the @#$% do you mean, we are sinking?" - Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS...

Job Interview Question You are driving along in your little sports car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect woman or...

A Thrifty Story Good old Mr McDougall found himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask for help from above. He begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money...

Being Discrete Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $5,000 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell...

Going To School Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!" "But why, Mom? I don't want to go." "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go." "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!" "Oh, that's no reason...

How Animals Think A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, clean after me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry...

CHALK ONE UP FOR THE OLD DUDE An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring...

A Few Oldies A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you..." "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I...

The International Scene On a chain of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded: Two Italian men and one Italian woman. Two French men and one French woman. Two German men and one German woman. Two Greek men and one Greek woman. Two...

Tough Luck!!! An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying. The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?” The old man looks at the bartender through Teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent...

Corporate Life #19 -- Memo From The HR Department SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your...

Real Respect For The Power Of Law Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe...

ACTION NEEDED IMMEDIATELY!!! If you receive an email entitled "Bedtimes" delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes...

Embarassing Research A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by...

Some Oldies You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man." A lady...

LIFE'S GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee =...

The Old Man and the Sea A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns to tell their adventures on the seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, hook, and an eye patch. Curious, the seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies "I was...

Once upon a time... Dracula decided to carry some sort of a competition to see which is the finest bat to stand on his side. All the bats were honored to take part. The rules were simple. Whichever bat drinks more blood, will be the winner. So, late one night, the first bat goes and...

Missing Bill Clinton On a recent Canadian TV show there was a black comedian who said he misses Bill Clinton. "Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing we ever got to having a black man as President. Number 1- He played the sax. Number 2- He smoked weed...