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Poor Listening Skills A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer" the man began, "I can explain,". "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..." "But officer, I...

A Day At The Zoo This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide. They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and...

Those Funny Lawyers! The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual...

Robert Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Robert decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So he went to a singles bar and he searched until he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away "Right now, I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to...

Another Lawyer Joke NASA was interviewing professionals they were thinking of sending to Mars. The touchy part was that only one guy could go and it would be a one-way trip, the guy not ever returning to Earth. The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much he wanted to...

Maybe not real, but certainly funny, some of them. :)

WHO'S YO' DADDY!? These will make you smile and shake your head... When someone puts in for Child Support, the proper thing to do is to find out who the father is and see why he is not providing support. The following are all replies that Dallas women have written on Child Support Agency...

Deed Of Merit A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. " On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers...

Journalists sometimes ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Here's one of the better responses: "I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When i came out there was a city cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said...

C'Mon Rob, Give us your thoughts, insight, wisdom, omens, jokes... not just smileys... YOU can do better than that!! :) :) :)

School Answering Machine (Maybe there's some hope for education after all!) This is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School California) staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. This came about because they implemented a policy requiring...

World's Shortest and Best Fairy Tale Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf a lot. He had all the best electronic equipment, the fastest cars, boats, and motorcycles. He...

Thought For The Day Man driving down road... Woman driving up same road... They pass each other... The woman yells out the window, PIG! Man yells out the window, "B I T C H"! Man rounds next curve. Man crashes into a HUGE PIG n middle of road. Man dies... :( If only men would...

Follow These Simple, Clear Instructions! http://www.thatvideosite.com/view/34.html :) :) :)

How Hard Is It To Follow Instructions? Jack was single. He lived in a small house, which he shared with a pet parrot and a large pit bull named Spike. When Jack's dishwashing machine broke down, he asked his neighbor Jim, the repairman to come and fix it. “Spike looks wild but he won't...

Honeymoon Tales A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She protested, "But we don't know anything about each other." He replied, "That's all right; we'll learn about each other as we go along." So she consented, and they were married and went on a...

Texans in France A Texas Panhandle rancher and his wife were bickering while on holiday in France. They were still hardly speaking to each other after being seated in a fancy French restaurant for dinner. When the waiter arrived the rancher said: "I'll have a big, thick porterhouse steak."...

Why men should always think twice before speaking! A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open." Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man...

FEMALE PRAYER: Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When...

Thanks Don, I appreciate the info and will call over the next few weeks.