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Discreet Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?"...

"Confusius" might be a more appropriate spelling... :) :) :)

Short Story Wife: "I want to be cremated." Husband: "How about Tuesday?" :) :) :)

How to give a cat a pill. 1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow...

LE TRAIN INTERNATIONAL The only seat available on the train to Rome was directly adjacent to a very elegant middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her dog. The weary American traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. I need that seat." The French woman looked down...

HOW YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TOO MUCH TECHNOLOGY IN YOUR LIFE? 1.) You tried to enter your password on the microwave. 2.) You now think of three espressos as "getting wasted." 3.) You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years. 4.) You have a list of 15 phone numbers to...

Thanks volaray, I appreciate your help here. :)

Other than Rydex and ProFunds, does anyone know if there are any other mutual fund companies that allow frequent (under 30 days per round trip) exchanges from fund to fund? I would appreciate any insight. TIA.

Word Reconstruction The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners: 1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid...

The Party A rich millionaire throws a massive party for his 50th birthday with hundreds of people attending. During this auspicious occasion, he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a "ginormous" swimming pool with two great white sharks in it: "I will...

The True Origin of the Internet In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called 'Amazon Dot Com.' And she...

Correct!!! :) :) :)

Smart Fishing Two buddies are fishing, but they haven't caught anything all day. Then, another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish. They ask him "excuse me, but where did you get all those fish?" The other fisherman replies "If you just go down the stream until the water isn't...

Five Good Ones "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines." "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and, in the event of...

Elderly $$ Math An elderly couple go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?" The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he...

A Reasonable Request A bar owner locked up his place at 2 AM and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang. "What time do you open up in the morning?" he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire. The owner was so furious, he slammed down the receiver...

The Simple Truth Isn't it true that anytime you see a young man open a car door for his girlfriend, either the car is brand new or the girlfriend is? :) :) :)

Meeting Of Minds A skydiver is enjoying his free-fall, when he realizes that he has reached the altitude where he must open his parachute, he pulls the ripcord, but nothing happens. "No problem," he says to himself, "I still have my emergency chute." So he pulls the ripcord on his emergency...

A Religious Experience Joe was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place right now I promise to be faithful to my wife from now on, go...

The Empty Seat John received a free ticket to the Super Bowl. Unfortunately. John's seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the stadium. He noticed an empty seat 10 rows up from the 50-yard line. He decides to make his way to the empty...