Search results

"$5 flat per rountrip!!!" -- Most futures brokers at the NY Traders Expo, no matter what the question was. :)

The Mother Of All Answers An inebriated crook had a little problem and ended up at the police station. "Couldn't you get that crook to confess to the crime?" asked the police chief. "We tried everything, Sir. We browbeat and badgered him wit every question we could think of." "Well, how...

Just A Run-Of-The-Mill Accident Report I am writing in response to your request for "additional information." In block number 30 of the accident report form, I put "poor planning" as the cause for my accident. You said in your last letter that I should explain more fully. I trust that the...

Typical Jewish Mother A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three...

The Ancient Word A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old Canons and laws of the Church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the...

Good, Memorable Quotes 1. I started out with nothing... I still have most of it. 2. When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All Bran? 3. I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart. 4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded. 5. All reports are in. Life is now...

Roadside Exchange A cowboy gets pulled over by a County Cop for speeding. The cop started to lecture the cowboy about his speeding, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the cowboy feel uncomfortable. Finally, the cop got around to writing out the ticket. As he...

Baron, That's terrific news, best wishes for the whole family! (Btw, those 7-8 hours of uniterrupted sleep every night you were used to... who needs them, right?) :)

I was there on Sunday. It was fine, despite all that Forex stuff (which I don't do,) but even smaller than last year's - the downslope in attendance and vendor interest continues. Again, I had the feeling that I knew many if not most of the people there, which probably means that the traders'...

Are We Progressing Towards A UseLESS Existence? 1. Our communication - Wireless 2. Our business - Cashless 3. Our telephone - Cordless 4. Our food - Fatless 5. Our cooking - Fireless 6. Our media - Creedless 7. Our public speech - Godless 8. Our politics - Shameless 9. Our leaders'...

British Pet Peeve A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its...

Medical Wisdom There was a man who went to his doctor and expressed the following concern: "Doc, I'm really worried. Every time I drink a cup of coffee, I feel a stabbing pain in my eye. Do you think it's serious?" To which the doctor replied, "No, not really. First, just try taking...

"A cheerful heart is good medicine" (Prov. 17:22a) A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. He took out a card and wrote: "Revelation 3:20" on the back of...

TF, I agree, it's cruel and irreverent and funny either way. My essential point too is that most of these political jokes are interghangeable, you can say them either way. Which is a bad thing for our political system, because it results in a confused situation. But, the truth is that there...

Food For Thought :) :) :)

Take a look at this - beautiful! http://llerrah.com/godsbillboards.htm :) :) :)

TF, I'm afraid you got this wrong, but I can understand the reason: all Democrats are a bit confused. The REAL (much, MUCH funnier) joke was posted by howellpar on 12/29/05: Terrorist Plans and their Support A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly...

NEW WORDS FOR 2006 Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace, and elsewhere!!! 1. BLAMESTORMING : Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. 2. SEAGULL MANAGER : A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise...

Age Gauge This may really make you feel old....... Put your birth date in the pop up window after you click on the link below. What happens is pretty interesting. Very cool. Click here: http://www.frontiernet.net/~cdm/age1.html :) :) :)

"The safest way to make a small fortune is to start with a big fortune." "The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket." "Lots of trades look great until you take them." :)