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OK, Here it is: The ultimate computer waste of time!! http://www.tomslighthouse.net/special/Socks.swf :) :) :)

Another Great Oldie Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who...

Lame: How Does A Mathematician Empty A Box of Matches? There are two possibilities: 1. The box of matches is full. In this case, the mathematician opens the box and empties its contents outright. 2. The box of matches is only partially full, or, even, totally empty. In this...

The First Inter-Galactic Conversation For his entire working life, a dedicated and hardworking Astrophysicist tried in all earnest to find the existence of other sentient beings somewhere in the universe. After 58 years of constant effort, he finally receives a response from a planet 30...

Don't We All Miss Donald Rumsfeld? :) :) :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGSJ_KRR1PQ

Some Of Murphy's Lesser Known Bits Of Wisdom ~ Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. ~ He who laughs last, thinks slowest. ~ Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. ~ Those who live by the sword get shot by those...

How to give your cat a pill Probably A Repeat, But It's Funny 1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat...

The Old Man A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three young, very large, leathered bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into his pie and took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spat into his milk and he too took a...

ATTENTION!!! I have it on good authority that aliens are coming very soon to abduct all the smart, good looking and sexy people of Planet Earth. You all will be safe, don't worry. I'm just posting this here to say goodbye... :) :) :)

Old, But Great I used to have a Labrador retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog(?)... (duh ...here's your sign)... On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I...

The Signs Of Our Times Did I read that sign right? TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office: WOULD THE...

Good Work Ethic The old accountant retired after sixty years, and on the top drawer of his desk they found a note that said: “debits in the columns toward the file cabinet. Credits in the column toward the window.” :) :) :)

Trading Embarrassing Situations! A rather shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by...

Love Those Lawyers A Yankee lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly gentleman asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a...

Smart Little Davie A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Davie stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Davie?" "No, ma'am, but I...

Some levity for those who love both the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity... 1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 4. If man evolved from...

Words Q: What do you call a short fortuneteller on the run from the law? A: A small medium at large. :) :) :)

Big Apple Smarts Two New Yorkers are in Las Vegas gambling, and they win two hundred thousand dollars. One man says to the other, “come on let’s go out and paint the town!” “You know.” Says his friend, “I think this money is New York money. This dough is earmarked for the...

Good Idea A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes. The judge said "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100." The defendant's lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, Your Honor, but my client only has $75 on him at this time. HOWEVER, if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd...

Professional Creativity A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing ''Love'' stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His...