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New Life Rules For 2008 New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days--mowing my lawn. New...

More things to do @ Wal-Mart while your significant other is taking her sweet time: * Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. * Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G. I. Joe's vs. the X-Men. * Ask other...

Clear Warning :) :) :)

Mean "Cash, check or charge?" the cashier asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As the woman fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "Do you always carry your TV remote?" the cashier asked. "No," she replied. "But...

An Honest Lawyer A man lying on his deathbed called to him, his lawyer, his doctor, and his pastor. "I am going to die tonight," and I want to prove that when you go to heaven you can take it all with you. So to my three most trusted friends, you three of course, I am leaving 5 million...

A Heartwarming Story In 1986, Mike Hogan was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mike approached it very carefully...

Which Two Words? A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the late afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear...

One for the ladies: One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?' He yelled back...

Being Frugal A Scottish lady named Edith finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money...

The Middle East Peace Process An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says "Are you crazy? You just joined the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something really, really spectacular for that recognition!" So the...

Europe And Italy http://tcc.itc.it/people/rocchi/fun/europe.html :) :) :)

16 THINGS THAT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN: by Dave Barry 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full...

The New Element Amsterdam, NL -- September 14, 2007 - Recent hurricane and gasoline issues have provided proof of the existence of a new chemical element. Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25...

Farmer's Intelligence An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster...

How True! A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu... Broiled Missionary: $10.00 Fried Explorer: $15.00 Grilled Republican Senator: $100.00 Baked Democrat...

Corrected Glossary Of Medical Terms Benign................What you be after you be eight. Artery................The study of paintings. Bacteria..............Back door to cafeteria. Barium................What doctors do when patients die. Cesarean Section......A neighborhood in...

Actual writings on hospital charts: 1. Patient has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it...

It's The Law Defendant: Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer. Judge: And why is that? Defendant: Because my lawyer isn't interested in my case. Judge (to lawyer): Do you have any comments on defendant's motion? Lawyer: I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening. Judge: All...

You've Got To Stay Flexible http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UutaxQ9AKUI :) :) :)

There is more truth than poetry in some of these sayings... The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue - Anonymous If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went -Will Rogers There is no psychiatrist in the world...