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A woman walked into a library and asked for a book on euphemisms. So the librarian took her up the rear aisle and let her have it.

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian recommends the Qur'an.

A man who loses his bike outside his synagogue and goes to his rabbi for advice. "Next week come to services, sit in the front row," the rabbi tells the man, "and when we recite the Ten Commandments, turn around and look at the people behind you. When we get to 'Thou shalt not steal,'...

My friend recently committed suicide by leaving his car running in the garage. Unfortunately it was an electric car, and it took him 9 days to dehydrate to death.

No offense but I used to use the Oak Ridge boys and the Statler brothers albums for skeet shooting targets.:D Just sayin..:D

I brought back some coins from the casino in Reno and gave them to the homeless on NYC streets. I said "Go west"..:D :cool:

Ha, we are the best, the brightest, the wealthiest country in the world and the best we can do to stop school shooters is disarm the entire country.

Wouldn't it be something that a mental defect (the school shooter) becomes the catalyst to change the course of America - executive order, gun control? The lowly amoeba brings down the collective genius of the founding fathers. What are we - fools?

My wife thinks the George Foreman grill is amazing, wait until she sees my Mohammed Ali cocktail shaker..

She should ask the general about suicides in the military. Let's focus on the mental health of this country.

People might not leave but jobs will. Money might take a walk too!:cool:

Children (the future generation) are in hock and don't have that option.

It really is getting a bit old calling white people racists when Barry gets the majority racist vote.

It's a good thing too. I was going to post "Nutmegs kitchen tips" on Friday but I'll post a tip for the day - today. Here goes...:D You should always cook using a clean pot. I really fucked up today and my eggs and potatoes had burnt shit stuck you couldn't tell with the sausages though...

maybe we could have elected a fiscally responsible president but the dang "black" thing got it the way and now we are stuck with "we don't have a spending problem" Barry.

What if you start trading and then develope a "twitch" in your eye? You'll have to go back to college and everyone will laugh at you because your eye twitches.

My friend just said, "What's your favourite mythical creature?" I said, "Those happy women in Tampon advertisements."

Hey..:D Heads up on the first episode. Goes like this. 1. Hide Babies everywhere (drawers, cupboards, the fridge.) 2. When a kid asks "where do Babies come from", reply with "where don't Babies come from" and go about opening every door and draw in the house.

What policies prevent conservative white people from having 11 kids?