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Subject: And thats how the fight started! When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.... so, I took her to a gas station..... And that's how the fight started... ************************************************************************ After...

Must be OSHA or PETA Requirements (Read to the End):

Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf..... Unfortunately, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner...

Thoughts from across the pond (sure makes it simple): “An email from Ireland to their brethren in the States...a point to ponder despite your political affiliation: We, in Ireland, can't figure out why people are even bothering to hold an election in the United States. On one...

CATHOLIC HEART ATTACK A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital . As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment...

Joe-Bob (15) marries Lucy (14, barely) and they leave on their honeymoon. Young groom returns from their backwoods honeymoon hunting trip alone. His dad asks what happened to Lucy, Joe-Bob replies "Pa, she was a virgin. . . .and like you always said, if she ain't good enough for her family...

Related Marital Issues Boy, 16 and girl, 14 legally marry in Louisiana. They move to Kentucky and get jobs. Together, they have 2 kids, 3 hounds and a mobile home with one TV. Problem is, they don't love each other no more. Questions: - Who gets the Trailer? - Who gets which Hounds...

Discretionary Relative Issues A REDNECK LOVE POEM ("Pa" sounds like he could be "Nutmeg"??) SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE, SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE. SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL, SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO. PAPPY TOLD HER, 'SUSIE GAL, YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER. I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA...

Interesting Human Body Facts - The largest cell in the human body is the female egg, and the smallest is the male sperm. - A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball. - It takes food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach. - The...

Double Dose of Vitamin V A man went to the doctor to get a double dose of Viagra but his request was denied. "Why can't I have a double dose?" the man asked. "It's not safe," the doctor replied. "But I need it really bad," the man explained. "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday...

Hillary's Favorite Bumper Sticker

Do NOT try this during Market Hours - it could be costly!!! Man Game - a real distractor. . . . http://www.hornygamer.com/games/concentration.swf

For my Chicago Trading Thieves: A young blonde woman in Joliet, Illinois, was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the I&M canal. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the...

Note Driven (climactically) Melody. . . . Might just want to "hum along" with this one!

While walking through a San Francisco park a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?" "I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied. "You've gotta be...

Unidentified Grandpa Member There was a family gathering, with all generations around the table. Mischievous teenagers put a Viagra tablet into Grandpa's drink, and after a while, Grandpa excused himself because he had to go to the bathroom. When he returned, however, his...

This is a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida. An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top...

Ancient History. . . . Lewinsky and Kaczynski The Washington Post runs a weekly contest in its Style section called the 'Style Invitational'. The requirements this week were to use the two words 'Lewinsky' (the Intern) and 'Kaczynski' (the Unabomber) in the same limerick...

CALORIC STATISTICS Calories Burned During Sex* REMOVING HER CLOTHES:* With her consent.................................12 Calories* Without her consent...........................2,187 Calories* OPENING HER BRA:* With both hands..................8 Calories* With one...

Nookie Green An Irishman goes to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church. "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month." The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's." Soon after, another...