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An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her. "I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous." "I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I...

Three colleagues, a German, an Englishman and a Belgian, while attending a hi-tech show in Stockholm, were sitting naked in a sauna, at their hotel. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed his forearm proudly and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "Oh...

Maude and Claude, both 91, lived in a senior citizen's residence. They met in the social center and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company. After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and she accepted. They had a lovely evening...

God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me." Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do you want me to do?" God said, "Go down into that valley." Adam said, "What's a valley?" God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river." Adam said, "What's a river?" God...

You know, I do appreciate a good piece of advice here and there, and I do respect other people's experience, but I feel really annoyed when some guru tells me, and a thousand others in the same room, that daytrading is not good or possible or whatever when I, and many people I know, make a good...

I was at the NY Trading Expo this past weekend, Saturday and Sunday. Interesting stuff, but nowhere near where this event was these past few years. I don't have any real statistics, but my impression was that although there were at least as many attendees there as last year, we had about half...

fx, I'm sorry for being a pain but the problem I have with this one is that I saw my mother in law die from breast cancer and it was not funny, not even close. :(

This is a true account of the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers. Despite a bit of rough language at the end, or maybe because of the innocense implied, it makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race. A young...

When big, old George, the richest man in the village, got married again, he warned his new bride not to ever go to the left side of the stable without him. But she wouldn't listen, and that's how she met Thunderbolt, George's gigantic horse with the nasty temper. Thunderbolt kicked her, like he...

THE COWS DEMOCRAT You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it...

OK, fine. I am not advocating censorship, but we should exercise some self control and if we don't manage ourselves they'll do it for us. Could you guys start a new, dirty jokes, or whatever, thread, if that's what you'd like to post? A little out of the totally clean norm is alright by me...

C'mon you guys, this used to be a nice, clean thread... :(:mad::(

Recently, the two finalists in the famous TV challenge game in England were an Irish Catholic priest and a rather uneducated Australian shepherd. Since they are tied for victory, the games announcer decided that they be given 5 minutes to come up with a poem - and the one with the best poem...

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%...

Five men were bragging about how smart their dogs were. One was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist, the fourth was a computer tech, and the fifth was a government worker. To show off, the engineer called to his dog. "T-square, do your stuff."...

Two high powered senators are duking it out again on the Senate floor, and the voices are becoming more shrill with every angry exchange: "YOU ARE A LIAR, LIAR LIAR!" bellows one of them, voice trembling with irritation, fists raised ominously... and immediately gets this response...

The first Jewish President of the United States is being sworn into office. Behind him, on the VIP stand, a well dressed lady leans over and whispers in her neighbor's ear: "Do you see this man here in front of us with the right hand raised?" "Yes," says the other lady, "what about him?"...

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)...

Recently, a routine police patrol was parked outside a local neighborhood bar in Minnesota. Late in the evening, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly watching. After...

I exited a few positions yesterday - some because their stoplosses were hit, others because I wanted to lock in profits at the very end of the day: WYNN Long: exited all at 29.6 -.47 COMS Long: exited all at 8.51 - .14 FFIC Long: exited all at 18.72 -.27 LAB...