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Man Of God Edward Hale, while chaplain of the U.S. Senate, was asked, "Do you pray for the senators?" He quickly replied, "No. After getting to know the senators, I pray for the people!" :) :) :)

Who Says Rednecks Ain't Smart? "Hello? Is this the FBI?" "Yes. What can I do for you?" "I'm calling to report on my neighbor Virgil Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood!" "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the FBI agents descended on Virgil's house. They...

The "car way" of telling how far the relationship is: -- Trying to impress the woman: unlocks and opens the door, waits for her to get inside, closes her door behind her -- Dating: the guy unlocks her door and then goes around to his side to get in -- Engaged: The man opens his door leans...

HILLARY IN THE NEWS Senator Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upper New York state. She spoke for almost an hour on her future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living, should she one day...

Never argue with a woman who reads, because she can also think. A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a...

Good Point! Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money!" he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "What? You can't do this – I am a United States congressman!" "In that case,"...

British Hospitality?? So this Texan who visits the UK to sample Wadworth's 6X and other fine beers is in London and decides to explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and...

Reflections on Government 1) Suppose you were an idiot AND suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself...Mark Twain 2) I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. . ...

Fraternity Snake Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. A couple minutes later...

Married man's chopper :) :) :)

A Dinner Conversation Gone Wrong. . . . WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not- don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get...

What a Relief A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk." Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"...

Corporate Life #17 Corporate lesson 1 A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a...

Getting Cash From An ATM Man: 1) Pull up to machine 2) Wind window down 3) Insert ATM card, enter PIN 4) Retrieve cash 5) Drive away Woman: 1) Pull up to machine 2) Open door (too far away from machine) 3) Search through all of the 112 compartments in handbag for ATM card 4) Do...

The Portrait A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex." "But you are not wearing any of those things," he replied. "I know," she said. "It's in case I should die...

Thinking Fast On His Feet A man in a Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it. Walking into the...

Clear Communication Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great, this univer$ity i$ really fanta$tic. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can`t think of anything el$e I need. $o, if you wi$h, you can ju$t $end me a po$tcard, a$ I would love to get $ome new$...

Navajo Wisdom For all of you who are/were/will be married, here is something to smile about the next time you open a bottle of wine: Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip...

Taco Bell Chihuahua Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are...

Kids in grade school think fast! TEACHER: Why are you late? WEBSTER: Because of the sign. TEACHER: What sign? WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? CINDY: You told me to do it without using...