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LIFE BEFORE THE COMPUTER Memory was something you lost with age An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano A web was a spider's home A virus was the flu A CD was a bank account A hard drive was a long trip on...

A Small White Dot A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece...

Three Northern Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin' the breeze. 1st Hillbilly: "My wife sure is stupid!...She bought an air conditioner.." 2nd Hillbilly: "Why is that stupid?" 1st Hillbilly: "We ain't got no 'lectricity!" 2nd Hillbilly: "That's nothin'! My wife is so...

HER SIDE OF THE STORY My husband was in an odd mood Saturday night. We planned to meet at a cafe for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised but he didn't say anything about it. I don't...

I posted a note about it on IB's message board. It ahppened to me on Nov1 - TWS totally locked up and I was able to close the QM chart and get it to start up OK. Any time I open a realtime QM chart the system stalls completely. Funny thing is, it was working fine right through 10-31 then all...

OK today but on occasion I notice all my stock and index quotes (not futures) disappear completely for about 1-2 seconds. The entire order row goes blank. :confused:

I saw this on a pack of smokes once: TRADER GENERAL'S WARNING: Calling tops and bottoms can be hazardous to your wealth.

Painted on a blast door of a Minuteman missile silo: http://www.cr.nps.gov/history/online_books/mimi/images/fig63.jpg

374 - it can't *possibly* go higher. Looks like a good short here :D

Some cities have a new bureau that comes in handy for us men:

A couple goes for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken surprise." The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around...

If your stop is where probably 99% of everyone else's is, namely 2 ticks below major support or above resistance, then yes. They can see it a mile away. :D

I've got IB hotkeys assigned to my xkeys keyboard no problem but my questions is this: I'd like to set up some hotkeys that would not only buy or sell but buy specifically ES, NQ etc. Unless I'm missing something, you have to highlight the appropriate order row with the mouse before using a...

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to...

Market up 120 points one day now down over a hundred the very next. Can you imagine long-term investing through all this madness? And they say short-term traders assume all the risk. :D

On the SOX, XAU and Nasdaq Composite I'm getting a daily low of -0.99 which is lousing up the scaling on my daily charts. I noticed this started happening around Thursday of last week. TWB build 851.7 Anyone else experiencing this?

Traders: I just pulled up an INTC chart and I see nothing from a technical standpoint that even remotely shows a long. This stock is a classic short and has been for some time. It's breaking new pivot lows and recently took out the 200-day ma, with no real support until 21.80. One thing I...

First you have to have balls before you can start wagerin'.

ROFL Here's one more: Drives by gas station, sees a 25-cent jump in price and long lines and thinks "Hmmm . . . long white candle on heavy volume. I wonder what the stochastic shows?"

With all due respect IB . . . this is precisely why I held onto 831.9 for so long. Incessant upgrades to fix bugs. There's too much at stake here to worry about bugs and glitches cropping up all the time. I've been an IB customer almost 4 years and am very pleased with them as a broker but...