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A Fable for Our Time: A Japanese company (we'll call it Toyota) and an American company (let's say General Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Japanese team...

Marines and Arabs Two Arabs boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, a Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the...

Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically...

Puns for All! A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed...

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and was very much in favor of the redistribution of wealth. She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she...

"Supposedly" Actual Newspaper Ads: FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER: 8 years old. Hateful little bitch. Bites. FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. FREE PUPPIES: Part German Shepherd, part stupid dog. FREE GERMAN SHEPHERD: 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German...

Healthy Arab Environment Ahkmed the Arab came to the United States from the Middle East, and he was > only here a few months when he became very ill. He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him. Finally, he went to an Arab doctor who said: "Take dees bocket, go into de...

Tiger & Stevie Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Woods turns to Wonder and asks, "How's the singing career going?" Stevie Wonder replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?" Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right now."...

Subject: largest weenie Three third graders, an Irish kid, an Italian kid and a Hillbilly kid are in the playground at recess. One of them suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest weenie," he says. "Okay." They all agree. The Italian kid pulls down his...

Having a Bad Day?? Meet my friend. . . .

Dear Abby: I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for...

Subject: Gee your hair smells terrific Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in...

There was once a man who was in a bar, terribly drunk. The bartender noticed this, and when he asked for another beer, the bartender politely told him that he was too drunk to be served another drink. The man leaves. He walks in the side door and asks the bartender for a beer. A little...

Wanted to take just a minute to go over an earlier comment - justifying invading Iraq to eliminate Saddam's genocide (real or imagined, kind of like WMD's). The Church (let's say most of the 'large-scale' religions claiming Christ) did indeed ignore Hitler, and Mussolini's and the Japanese...

Not sure anyone should have invaded Iraq - unless Iraq posed a significant, and immediately impending, threat to an individual country. Then that country should have taken whatever action it deemed necessary. If the people of Iraq wouldn't act against Saddam, why did we feel the need...

Good point - not sure Christians are completely 'cured' even today!! But, things have improved since the Crusades, the tacit approval of slavery and by 'looking the other way' when Hitler practiced genocide against multiple races and creeds!

Muslim Outrage Muslim outrage, huh. OK ... let's do a little historical review. Just some lowlights: Muslims fly commercial airliners into buildings in New York City. No Muslim outrage. Muslim officials block the exit where school girls are trying to escape a burning building because...

The wunderlic they should give (courtesy of ESPN.com): 1. If the Ohio State tailback gets $42,000 from a Buckeye booster but the Escalade he wants is $57,000, he should: a) Buy a different SUV b) Take a job he doesn't have to show up for from another booster to cover the difference...

FIRST GRADE TASTE TASTE A teacher was doing a study testing the sense of taste of first graders, using a bowl of Lifesavers. As the first graders tasted the Lifesavers, they responded: "Red.....cherry", "Yellow.....lemon", 'Green......lime", "Orange....orange", Finally the...

This might hold up in a court of MY peers... Subject: Living Will Form I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who...