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Along with banjos, dungarees, eating straw and knobbing the odd relative (sometimes a female one!)

And I heard Bisto are bringing out some Holy Gravy. It's to be used on Christmas dinners, Easter eggs and other religious based meals. But not curries.

I once went to church and found some Holy Gravel. It was on the drive. I only went the once mind. Didn't like it. Too much "Praaaaaise the Laaawd" and no crumpet.

"Seats next to him at the game. That sounds like an unforgettable conversation to me" I have recently returned from a trip to California and was under the impression the Hollywood Bowl was a concert venue? It had a big stage and NOT a lot of room for playing games. Except chess and...

LOL! Very good - that's the sort of funny thing I usually come out with. Well done you.

My real name is Doris

Just buy a pack of cards, find a few local stray cats or dogs and organise a poker school with them. You are obviously of above average inteligence so you should win more hands than you lose thereby making a profit and gaining the trust and friendship of feline and canine "hotties" should you...

apak? Didn't you sing California a few years back? It's all good mofo

Everyone should wear a bling wrist adornment now that Barton is top-dog. Say what ,word up, it's all good mofo (I think)

Phew!! Just back from a whistle-stop tour of the US of A(America) helping my new buddy(friend) Barton Obarmy finish off his election campaign in the race to become tra-la-la-la-la-America's (America's) first black (mocha) President (Prime Minister) and beat frozen chip supremo and really old...

Declined? Stll - credit crunch eh Bondage? Never mind - I love Hai Karate. The guv and I once drank 8 bottles each of the stuff before we burnt down the local whorehouse (no whores inside) in Fanny Me Won province back in the seventies. We'd ironed out all the rotters the previous...

His penis was transplanted from a Yak. Allegedly.

Don't tell everyone though. Or the people the other side of you trades will not be there and there will be no trend and it will all go stagnant. Start another thread singing the praises of top and bottom and reversal picking but type it with your fingers crossed (not on both hands as this...

B&Q in Wigan have some vacancies I believe. It's a pleasant little town that has lovely bakeries that sell great meat and potato pies - they speak a funny language but it's quite easy to pick up. The weather isn't great and on weekends the local youths provide some very bloodthirsty...

Pardon me for asking Willy but why do you think it is that you have no mates? Are you a sort of Boo Radley character (Ted Bundy more like!) or do you just prefer your own company (in solitary?) Still you have a point though - if all that happened to me it would certainly take my mind off my...

Yes lots of criminals on here. Especially that geezer in Compulsive's (home??) video He appears to have stolen a haddock and attached it to the bottom of his torso. Shocking.

LOL!!! Are you sure it wasn't a matchbox?

I think I saw that chap with the bags of leaves as well. He was quite a decent sized fellow but rather odd looking as he was bright green and all of his clothes were ripped. I am sure I heard him saying to someone "Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry" just before bursting...

He used to be a woman. Called Beryl.

Have you considered Tottenham? It's very similar to San Diego and there is a lovely market in nearby Dalston where you can buy yams and....er.....sawn off shotguns and things. Bloody marvellous.