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For all those men who say, "Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free?" Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage. WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage...

Walking into the bar, Milton said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, I just had another fight with the little woman." "Oh yeah?" said Greg "And how did this one end?" "When it was over," Milton replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees." Really? Now that's a switch! What...

http://cgi.ebay.com/SURI-CRUISE-S-BRONZED-BABY-POOP_W0QQitemZ200021983816QQihZ010QQcategoryZ553QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem This is just too funny for words. Just the gift for that special movie star.:p

anomaly?

Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke. Her friend saw this and said, "Hey that's a good idea! But...

Q. Why don't Italians like Jehovah Witnesses? A. We don't like any witnesses. Q. What does an Italian with one broken arm have? A. A speech impediment! An Italian with two broken arms is a mute. :eek: :p :D

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged that they had for the past five years covertly funded a project with US auto makers whereby the auto makers installed black boxes in four wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the...

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in PITTSBURGH. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!" Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink...

I have a Golden Retriever, and one day I was in line at WalMart, buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time...

Should children witness childbirth? Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently...

http://richstevens.thinkfulsolutions.com/unreal.swf :D

YARD WORK AS VIEWED FROM HEAVEN God: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature; what in the world is going on down there in the U.S.? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistles and the stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in...

Bragging The Italian says, "When I've a finsished a makina da love withah my wife, I go downa and gently tickle the the back of her knees, I tella you, she floats 6 inches above a da bed in ecstacy." The frenchman replies, "Zat iz nothing, when I 'ave finished makein ze love wiz ze...

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together,discussing how important their children are. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him"Father." The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into...

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I...

No one complained?:D

A woman walks into a pharmacy and tentatively approaches the pharmacist. The pharmacist, seeing her hesitancy, asks if there is anything that he can do for her. She asks him in a quiet voice, "Do you carry extra large condoms?" He points to where they are and asks if she wants to purchase a box...

A Texas Cowboy A Texas cowboy was tending to his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you...

Nip & Tuck After the birth of sixth child, Jane decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory because her bomb doors were dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped out fireplace. Time and children had taken its toll...

Tasty Lawyer? The scene is a dark jungle. Two tigers are stalking through the undergrowth in single file when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the bottom of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says, "Hey! Cut it out, all right!" The rear...