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Subject: Pun Intended 1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was...

Subject: DOCTOR AND NURSE A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly after this started, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a large sum of money and asked her to go to Germany and have the baby there. "But how will I let you know...

Subject: Old Man I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and...

Subject: Fwd: Mother Superior > >Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I >must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." > >"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of >chardonnay."

(Too True to be too Funny!!!) A man from up north moves to Arizona and here's his first summer journal entries... May 30th Just moved to Arizona. Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and deserts blended together. What a...

Sounds like the DaVinci code revisited (note the similarity between Don and T.Hanks??)

Every year, English teachers from across the country >> can submit their collections of actual analogies and >> metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts >> are published each year to the amusement of teachers >> across the country. Here are last year's winners: >> >> 1. Her...

Subject: SNORING Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to...

Bedroom Golf 1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls. 2. Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole. 3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out. 4. For most effective play...

Subject: 50 Years of Math in U.S. Last week I purchased a burger and fries at McDonalds for $3.58. The counter girl took my $4.00 and I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there holding the nickel and 3 pennies. While looking at the screen on her register, I...

Defense Attorney: Why not? Little old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago. Defense Attorney: What happened next? Little old Woman: He began to rub my breasts. Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then? Little old Woman: No, I did...

Subject: Bin Laden arrives in Heaven When Osama bin Laden died, George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!" Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted...

The Worst that could Happen?? A FATHER PASSING BY HIS SON'S BEDROOM WAS ASTONISHED TO SEE THE BED WAS NICELY MADE AND EVERYTHING WAS PICKED UP. THEN HE SAW AN ENVELOPE PROPPED UP PROMINENTLY ON THE CENTER OF THE BED. IT WAS ADDRESSED, "DAD." WITH THE WORST PREMONITION, HE OPENED THE...

Performance Enhancing Opportunities In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen...

Subject: Thoughts for 2006 Number 9 - Life is sexually transmitted. Number 8 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Number 7 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. Number 6 - Give a person a...

Hitting below the belt. This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States that if military action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America's supply of convenience store managers. And if this...

Senior Discovery Grandpa and Grandma were visiting the kids overnight, when Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet. He asked the son about using one of the pills. The son said, "I don't think you should take one; they're very strong and very expensive." "How...

STATING THE OBVIOUS: The Value of a Drink "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams...

Subject: IRS Audit The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney. The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you...

New Sign seen at Gas Stations in California and Arizona: